I must have been in fourth grade when I first visited the dentist. My front teeth had begun to protrude and wide gaps between my teeth began to show. Until then, I had never realised that it was something unpleasant since my parents had never spoken to me about it. Perhaps, they considered me too young to be hounded by insecurities. However, now when I see my fourth grade pictures I guess they knew what they were doing before my teeth could get any worse. I was the first one in my class to get braces and it bothered me a little when I saw children my age free of metal in their mouth. However, as the months wore on more and more kids started getting braces. I spent my entire pre-teen years and a portion of my teenage years wearing braces. You cannot imagine how thrilled I was the day I had them taken off, but to my dismay the gaps started to appear again a few months later. Initially I couldn't have been less bothered. After all, I had seen my teeth in a far worse condition. However, as the days kept passing by my insecurities began to kick in. Now if I think about it, I suppose it started bothering me most last year, when I turned sixteen. I remember spending a lot of time looking at myself in the mirror and finding faults with the way I looked. Needless to say, I was basically torturing myself. My elder sister – and much more mature, I dare say – would just roll her eyes and tell me to get a life. She always scolded me for wasting my time on petty issues and insisted that I would eventually get over them. However, the fact was that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop myself from feeling self-conscious every time I laid eyes on boys and girls flashing their perfect smiles in front of the camera, dazzling everybody with their straight, gap-less teeth. It would hurt so much that I had to look away. I recently visited the dentist and he insisted that I should get braces again for at least six months. Although my father was ready to foot the bill yet again, I surprised myself by telling him that I was fine with my teeth as they were. After all, I figured that if it continued to bother me, I could always get them fixed later in life. My father, however, was of the opinion that he couldn't simply disregard what the dentist had said and that it was his responsibility to see to it that he does his job. I don't blame him. In societies like ours, physical attributes of the female child are of vital importance. You see parents, especially mothers, fuss excessively over their daughters' looks. Young girls are taken to dermatologists, forced to diet, and matters like thinning or greying hair are taken very seriously because being a woman in Pakistan is serious business. Pakistani mothers pull all the ropes they can to make their daughters look pretty and presentable. On the other hand, boys can get away with pretty much anything – sometimes even shabby attire and greasy hair! This is just how it is in this country for girls – perfection on every front - especially when it comes to the issue of marriage and screening girls. While girls are scrutinised from head-to-toe and are judged for the quality of their hair to their pretty, pedicured feet, boys are left somewhat off the hook in the 'looks' department. While girls need to be attractive, homely and intelligent (often in that order), boys can get away with just having a good background and a decent job. Even the media propagates this standard of perfection. Have you ever noticed how all the toothpaste ads never show a gap-toothed girl? Simply because they are deemed imperfect and thus, unacceptable. These ads would give me nightmares but as I matured, I stopped thinking about it and instead, started concentrating on things that I was actually good at. I also began to appreciate my other features that weren't half bad. In my efforts to move on, I even searched gap-toothed people on the internet and was more than thrilled to find out that there were many others like me out there. I actually found posts on Tumblr and videos on YouTube dedicated to gap-toothed people. It seemed like a platform where kids, mostly girls, posted their videos and pictures showing off their gap-toothed smiles and encouraged other teens not to feel so insecure. To say that these online platforms helped boost my ego would be an understatement. Although it didn't happen all at once but as the days passed I realised that it didn't actually make much of a difference in my life. After all, I had my family and friends, I was happy and looking at the bigger picture I understood that not having the ‘perfect’ smile was not that big a deal. I also discovered models who show off their gap-toothed smiles, like Georgia Jagger, who made it on the cover of the most leading fashion magazine Vogue. Even Johnny Depp’s ex, Vanessa Paradis, who happens to be a French actress and is also gap-toothed, proudly exclaimed,
“Why would I fix them? I was born with them. I can spit water through them. They're useful!”So over time, I have realised that although the desire to look good is normal, we must not obsess over every little thing we don’t like about our appearance. There are so many things in life that we don’t get to choose for ourselves, and often we have to do things that we don’t necessarily like. However, that doesn't always mean that we throw what we have away. With time, we can adjust to things and circumstances and can learn to like what we see in the mirror. After all, not everybody can afford cosmetic surgery or a nose job; get their lips pumped or have the fat beneath their arms sucked out. Not to mention how excruciatingly painful these procedures are. Not many are born with the complexion of their choice, or the desired height and not everybody has the perfect hair. However, we still get on with life. We make friends, get invited to parties and most importantly our families love us for who we are. There is a chance to live life to the fullest but if we are too busy worrying over what effect the sun will have on our skin or how messy the wind is making our hair, life becomes significantly more stressful. Now when I smile in front of the mirror my gap-toothed smile doesn't look so bad any more; it has just become a part of who I am. Although I may get my teeth fixed some day, I have learnt that there's no point in letting it ruin the way you feel about yourself. So smile brightly, take loads of pictures, live a happy life, don’t worry about how silly you look and just have fun!