It was a regular Monday morning, and I left home early to meet a client. I assist a friend with his event management business and we were meeting this ‘rich’ client and so, I made sure I was dressed well and looked my best. My friend promised to pick me up from a spot close to my place, a spot where I decided to get to by a qingqi rickshaw. For those who don’t know, a qingqi is a motorcycle rickshaw with a compartment that has enough space to accommodate six people — three ladies in the back and three gents in the front. There’s not a hard and fast rule for the seating order but that’s the norm anyway. It was 9:00 in the morning, so I struggled to find an empty qingqi as it is usually a busy time of the day. Finally, after waiting for about 10 to 15 minutes, I stopped a qingqi that had four people sitting in it — three men in the front and a lady in the back. This meant there was space for at least two people in the back. Without thinking much, I jumped into the backseat making sure there was enough distance between me and the lady. Mind you, she seemed to be my mother’s age in her 50s. Anyway, just when I thought I had settled in and the qingqi resumed its run, all hell broke loose. She panicked and started shouting at the rider about how he had allowed a male to sit in the back with her. For some reason, she felt so insecure that she threatened to start screaming if he didn’t stop the ride and asked me to get off or move in front. I was shell-shocked and didn’t know how to react. I hadn't rubbed thighs with her; it was broad daylight too, and we were not alone, so why panic and perceive me to be a 'bad guy' or a rapist? It just didn't make any sense! I didn’t understand why she feared sitting next to me for what would have been a matter of two to three minutes in any case. I had left enough distance between us and wasn't even looking her way! Inevitably, we succumbed to her shrill screaming and I was asked to get off the qingqi. And what was worse? I got late for the meeting giving the worse possible first impression to the client who was also.. err... a lady. Although I do want to give women the benefit of the doubt, considering the situation that is prevalent in Karachi with all the rape and kidnapping incidents, however, the reaction of this woman to a man sitting next to her with many people around her, that too in daylight, perplexed me. Should women be allowed to react like so or is this taking it too far? I believe that I did nothing wrong and shouldn't have been made to get off the rickshaw just because a woman also happened to be riding in it. Yes, we are men, and many men do bad things, but all men are not demons. I request women to be more rational and a better judge of men. Appearances might be deceiving but one has to use their common sense to decide whether the situation is dangerous or even close to threatening. Lastly, I would like to impart a message to women:

Fear not aunties, all men aren't eyeing you nor are all men rapists. Cut us some slack, maybe?

Gone are the days when marriage meant that the husband was responsible for earning bread while the woman’s role is that of staying at home, running the household and taking care of her husband and children. With evolving times, the concept of matrimony has changed in developed, as well as developing countries. Now, a husband and wife are considered two wheels of a car in all aspects. Women earn as much as their husbands and take part in contributing to the household expenses. While this approach has been acknowledged worldwide, people belonging to the subcontinent, and mostly Pakistan, have contradictory opinions. For instance, a 66-year-old Imam Uddin considers running the household a woman’s utmost responsibility. “In Pakistan, a woman’s priority should be her home, husband and children. If she can manage work alongside her household duties then she should go for it. But if her professional life hampers her responsibility as a wife and a mother, then there is no need for her to continue,” he says. While a majority of the senior citizens are still firm on the old beliefs, the newer generation considers it a woman’s right to work and progress. A graduate student Zeeshan Ahmed is of the view that women should be allowed to work. He stated that this will give them (women) self-confidence and courage to raise their voice against any sort of ill-treatment. Commenting on the subject, a young working lady exclaims, “Employment makes a woman independent and gives her the courage to stand up for herself. They do not get education to do laundry and cook a meal!” Despite the modern times and liberal minds, men are still seen advocating the old belief. Somewhat agreeing to Imam Uddin, a 30-year-old bachelor says, “With marriage, a woman’s responsibilities grow tenfold and it becomes difficult to manage work and responsibilities after that. Hence, I think, it’s better if she focus on her duties as a wife. After all, men are the breadwinners; what’s the point of their working?” In most cases, the decision to let a woman work is in the hands of men. While some men prefer that their wives or daughters or sisters sit at home, others love their lazy lives and compel the women of the house to earn a living. My maid once told me that her husband beat her because she refused to give him money to buy drugs. She further complained that her husband doesn’t work at all and takes up all that she earns, spending it on his addiction. Sadly enough, situations like these are very common among the poverty-stricken class. However, this is not limited to the less-educated class. In fact, I know women who are bound to work, not because they are financially unstable but because their husbands are too lazy to work. Ironic but true! Read more by Kulsoom here

Shaista Wahidi, sometimes referred to as Dr Shaista or Shaista Lodhi is Sahir Lodhi’s sister. The brother-sister duo have a way of ruffling both the wrong feathers and the right ones; they can be called 'famous' or 'infamous'. Shaista is one of Pakistani television’s most known faces. People have loved her and have been irritated by her simultaneously, but have not been able to ignore her. We have talked about her antics, her typical laughter in which she covers her face with her hand, her metamorphosis in how her face looks and have broken her down multiple times. One of the most consistent faces on the mini screen, she disappeared for a few months, only to appear again on a promo the night before her re-venturing on Geo's morning show. While Shaista looked the same, perhaps a bit slimmer than usual (which has also been inviting speculation), something about her had changed. Skimming through channels, once I caught sight of her on this show, I couldn't change the channel. While it was very obviously a promo show meant to create hype of her return to the mega screen, parts were real – one could see a real person beneath the glamour. She was asked about what she did in this hiatus of a few months and she confessed to having re-discovered her faith and religion, of having started to enjoy her namaz. She said she had found what she took too long to discover. She was moved to tears, almost choking, as she shared how she had discovered realities of faith. An almost worried Ahsan Khan hosting the show called for a break. For those who still wondered, Shaista confirmed that she was no longer married to the father of her children. She said as to 'why' the marriage didn't last, this was her personal business but maintained that her children’s father is a “very good father” and that she didn’t intend on bad-mouthing him on TV. (Shaista with her children. PHOTO: PUBLICITY) And this is the point where this blog needed to be written. Here was a woman going through what was  very clearly a tough time in her life. She paid the price for being a celebrity and gracefully handled the questions, rather than pretending that this chapter never happened in her life. Yet, in a very typical voyeuristic pattern, while people devoured the air time and watched Shaista carefully on the show, social media in the following hours started showing comments in which everybody thought all she did was “a big drama”. Sadly, when it comes to celebrities, we are mind-readers, clairvoyants and know-it-alls. Being a woman and a mother, I know what a soft spot children hold in a parent's heart. I believe that people suggesting that Shaista was using her divorce and children to gain publicity was callous. Why do we assume the worst of celebrities, it baffles me. Others were upset as to why she talked about her divorce on television. "How low can these celebrities go for fame?” they were asking on social media. (Shaista Lodhi with her husband before they got divorced. PHOTO: SCREENSHOT) I am not trying to be the devil’s advocate, but simply in the spirit of empathy, I imagined what any woman would do in her situation. In a live television show, with live calls from the viewership, any and every kind of question can be asked. A media person in her position does not have the liberty of pretending that something never happened; she has to face what happened and be answerable even in the most intimate matters of her life. That must be tough. Ironically, one of the most difficult things for a woman to live up to is divorce in our society, and playing directly in to this statement was peoples' response on Shaista's divorce. On Shaista finding solace in God, there were crude prophecies that “Shaista will play her religion card in the upcoming Ramadan. It is a publicity gimmick!”. It is also not easy for people here to accept that one is drawn towards religion. A backlash starts, in which a person is placed under a microscope, in which perfection is expected. Celebrities who have begun to tilt towards religion have had a tough time in our society. Ironically, those very people who feel as though religious people are too judgmental are quick to judge those who as much as mention a connection with God. But for me the saddest part is how bitter and mistrusting we have become. Celebrity or not, we no longer take people at face value and assume negative intentions on the part of others. We call it realism. We call believing what people say naivety. This is surprising when we are all too willing to wipe a tear on listening to celebrities talk their hearts out on Oprah, but we seem to just scoff and mock when those closer to home do the same. Dr Shaista is not known to me and I am not particularly a fan of the woman, but she is a woman on a journey like all of us and has had some ups and downs in her life. It is not my place to decide whether her decisions were right or wrong, nor can I say with surety what is in her heart. All I can do is wish her the best of luck, and get on with my life. Shouldn't we all do the same? What will we achieve from ripping her dignity to shards? Read more by Farahnaz here or follow her on Twitter @FarahnazZahidi

Progress comes at a price they say, but when it comes to Karachi, motorcyclists seem to be the ones paying this price most often, if not always. From entry into state-of-the-art shopping malls and luxury hotels to snap checking by the police, motorcyclists face discrimination in most situations. This is about the rights of two million motorcyclists — sales agents, delivery staff, factory workers and other corporate as well as public sector employees — who serve the city in one way or the other. If you are on a motorcycle, the security at a five-star hotel will not let you in, nor will they treat you the same as if you were driving a car. On the other hand, some five-star hotels are kind enough to let one park just outside their main parking lot but security does not allow any helmets to be taken inside — my fault since I can’t wire-lock my helmet with the motorcycle because of its unique shape. With the current state of law and order, we certainly need high security measures. What I don’t understand is how a motorcycle is riskier than other automobiles. An upscale mall, in Clifton Karachi, for example, won’t allow motorcyclists but a black sedan easily made it inside, recently, with armed passengers. Similarly, commuting on a motorcycle — especially with family — is no pleasure when other motorists deny you the right of way and cut you off ruthlessly and disrespectfully, even if you are accompanied by women on the bike. Our police want us to get standardised number plates while the government refuses to provide them — again, my fault. However, they dare not stop an SUV with black tinted windows and no license plate but yet will extort money from motorcyclists in the name of ‘security’. That said, if I buy a car, I may not face this level of discrimination but that won’t address the broader issue: unequal treatment of a specific segment by those who are in charge in a given situation or position of power. Read more by Farooq here.

“This is not the right field for a woman”, he said, with an impudence that seemed at odds with his otherwise timid appearance. He offered his two cents, “advice” he called it, as if delivered with nothing but my best interest in mind.

“Why don’t you go into TV or reporting?”

There is so much going on in the world. The clouds of war and violence seem to hover around the globe and there seems to be no end to this mayhem and chaos. Billions of military troops march out in the name of war and conflict every day. They fight against each other under the shadows of cannons, tanks, nuclear warfare, chemicals, gunfire and smoke. The fight goes on and on and when it ultimately ends (which it never does), we find them buried deep under the ground. They take cities, culture and heritage down with them, like they never existed. And just like that, it’s all gone. Acres of fields that could have provided food for starved stomachs are burnt into ashes, homes that had memories scribbled on their walls are brought down to a single pile of rubble and people who made up a family tree are lost, taking generations down with them. And just like that, it’s all gone. But all this is nothing! Yes it’s nothing in comparison to the agony and pain that women go through. Women bear the brunt of war and pay the toll at a price that is far too horrifying. Women are the true victims of war; each woman at some point loses a father, a brother, a husband or a son. Her home that she invested years in building, her home that is the very abode of her dreams and hopes is snatched away in front of her and in that moment she is helpless. And just like that, her dreams are shattered. Each woman goes through that emotional torture and humiliation when the most degraded of all weapons of war, being rape, is used. If it is not her, then it’s her daughter, her mother, her sister or her friend. And just like that, her dignity is gone. This doesn’t stop here. She walks in the streets of her country, which is stained with blood and surrounded by dead bodies. Yet she walks bravely among those piles of the dead looking for her loved ones. If she finds them, she carries them to the graveyard on her shoulders. If she doesn’t find them she prays to be haunted by them. And just like that, she lives. Women in these war stricken lands are suffering daily. They live in the shadow of their dead, hoping and praying for a better future. Billions of dollars are spent on nuclear weapons and warfare – imagine what this money could do for the poor and hungry, majority being women and children. But, who cares? It’s time that we women of the world, come together and do something about it. Anwar Sadat once said,

“There can be hope only for a society which acts as one big family, not as many separate ones.”

Submerged in a conversation with my friend a few days ago, she suddenly looked at me and quipped,

“Oh, I wish I was as thin as you.”

“Why do you think she is pretty? Look at her skinny legs.”

“This constant criticism and evaluation of our physique and appearance from head to toe, makes me feel as if we, women, are a bunch of sheep being picked for Bakra Eid, where every customer has a different requirement.”

So what’s the biggest problem in your life? An exam you failed? The fact that your parents spoil your little sister more than they spoil you? Is it the new lawn prints you can’t afford? How unfair life is, right? I thought the same until my maid told me her story. I was lying in the lounge, depressed as ever. How could God be so unfair? I moaned and I complained. A dumb friend of mine had received an acceptance letter from a university abroad because he could afford it; I couldn’t. I was still in the worst of all moods when my maid Fatimah brought me a cup of tea and sat down on the floor beside the sofa. She asked me in Sindhi,

“Chah ayein, bacho?” (What happened, kid?)

“Stop crying, beta”, she laughed again. “This is nothing. You still go to a good school, I know. Your baba loves you. Mine didn’t.”

“I was around five-years-old when he sold me to my husband. You know how old he was?” she asked, her voice rising. “He must have been 40 at the time.” “Why?” I quickly asked. “Money, bacho, money.” “And then what happened? I asked. “Then, bacho, the same. He was married already and had four children. The youngest one was six years older than me. He used to physically abuse me. I realised it at a late stage.”

“I am fine, bacho. I used to clean the entire house and take care of all the family members, you know. Still, I received constant beatings on petty issues,” she told me, smiling.

“Bacho, one day I was very ill. I was pregnant with my third child when I had a lot of pain in my eye. I asked my husband to take me to the doctor but he constantly refused. It lasted for 20 days and then one night my eye started bleeding and the eye ball fell out. I lost my baby too after a few days then. The doctor in the village told me I was about to die, but then my brother finally came to my rescue and brought the kids and myself to Karachi. Here the doctors saved me. Farishtay (angels) they were, I tell you.” “You have a daughter and a son? What about your brother? Why do you live with us then?” surprised, I questioned her. "He threw me out after we came to Karachi. He said he couldn’t afford to keep us three together. It’s been five years now, I haven’t seen my brother. My daughter and son are working in a house three streets from here. Very good people, I tell you. They send my children to school and in return, my children do all the house chores for them. The only thing is the lady only lets me meet my children once in two months. Zeenat is ten and Rizqullah is six.” she told me, the smile still affixed on her face. Wiping my tears, I asked her “Fatima, how can you live alone?” In one sentence she gave me all answers. “Munjhay pas Allah ahay bacho” (I have God with me, kid.)

Pakistan is a strange country. Considering the fact that 70% of the population comprises of youth, there is no Council of Youth Affairs to safe guard their rights. A great majority of the population has no access to health and reproductive facilities but there is also no council working to ensure that people of Pakistan should be provided with basic healthcare. On the other hand, a good 97% of the population follows some kind of Islam or the other but the country still needs multiple councils and other bodies to safeguard the religion. Two such bodies – Federal Shariat Court and Council of Islamic Ideology – regularly come up with suggestions to make Islam even stronger in the country. The latest in the line is the brand new set of Fatwas and advisements by Council of Islamic ideology (CII) against science and semantics – yes, you got it right – against science and semantics. The Council also believes that the blasphemy laws of the country are perfect the way they are and should not be touched. The Council also declared the process of cloning as illegal. I am not sure what their stance on stem cell research is or if they even know about it but if they are against cloning, chances are they are against that too. I have a feeling that the minute one of the members of CII loses a limb or a spleen and is assured that they would get a new one made, they will change their tune. Last but not the least, CII chose to attack the weakest of the weakest section of the society – the women. The latest fatwa by the council says that DNA evidence should not be used as the principle evidence in cases of rape (zana-bil-jabar) and can only be used as circumstantial evidence. As I was unable to fathom the text and logic behind this ruling, I looked around. Nusrat Javeed and Mushtaq Minhas discussed the advisements in their May 29th show of Bolta Pakistan and spoke with one of the members of CII, Allama Tahir Ashrafi to clarify the issue. Must point out that Nusrat Javeed pressed the issue as much as he could have, considering that he is a public figure and lives in Pakistan. Tahir Ashrafi reiterated that DNA should be considered – at best – a circumstantial evidence on basis of which arrests can be made and further investigations should be carried out. However, a suspect must not be punished on the basis of DNA evidence alone, for that, the evidence of four Muslim male adults is necessary. Tahir Ashrafi also added that they have doctors in the Council who say that there is doubt in DNA testing (DNA testing is 99.9% accurate) and as the Shariah compliant punishment for the crime is very hard, one has to be careful. The most logical response to that line of reasoning is that most criminals who rape women do it without audience and if somehow we happen to chance upon those elusive four Muslim male adults present during the crime of rape, under any civil law they would be considered accomplices to the crime, not morally upright witnesses. If I were a legislator, I would call for making a law that would hand out the harshest punishment for those four adults- supposedly pious Muslims men who were silently witnessing a crime as horrible as rape. The gender bias of the CII is evident from the fact that they have ruled out use of DNA sample as primary evidence in rape crimes alone and has not barred their use as primary evidence in other criminal activities such as murder. We are living in the 21st century where Artificial Intelligence has made human participation in so many acts redundant. Any function that can be mechanised will be mechanised yet maulvis in Pakistan are busy ruling science out from every sphere of life, from Ramadan and Eid moon sightings to crime investigation. Rape is a crime, not a religious matter hence its investigation should also be criminal, similar to any other criminal investigation. Human beings can and do lie, but DNA evidence does not, if implicated in a crime wrongfully, most human beings would prefer to prove their own innocence through scientific evidence rather than something as flimsy as another man’s word. It seems as if there is a bias here. Science is appreciated when it is used to make airplanes that take citizens for umrah or to make loud speakers with which they make calls for azaan five times a day, cell phones, missiles, bombs and what not but declare that DNA evidence is not a conclusive proof of rape because science is uncertain and there is a .001% chance of the evidence being incorrect. As far as legality of things stand, appointment of Maulana Muhammed Khan Sherani who headed that CII session is also illegal, hence all the recommendations of CII should be immediately discarded. The constitution demands that CII chairman has to be a person with no political affiliation but Maulana Sherani is a parliamentarian, JUI-F’s Senator from Balochistan, which makes the whole council a bit shady. This post originally appeared here  Read more by Tazeen here or follow her on Twitter @tazeen

Oath-taking ceremonies are usually boring affairs. A bunch of men and women stand up for the national anthem, take the oath and then go home. This is not exactly amazing material for the media - especially television — which is why most outlets focus on more colourful stories. Some of these stories make sense, such as quizzing the elected members on their knowledge of the workings of a parliamentary democracy, while others are just as outrageous as the returning officers’ questions, which the same media members were so very critical of. The segments featuring male members of the various houses focused on their knowledge of topics such as points of order, privilege motions, when the national assembly was founded and so on. Some answers were of sound reasoning, while others made one wonder how these people were going to govern a country, when they could barely comprehend, let alone answer any of the questions. Unfortunately, those serious segments were followed by fluff pieces focusing on female members, both directly elected and appointed. Instead of focusing on their knowledge of parliament, or how they would help improve the lot of the people of Pakistan, especially its women, the questions focused on their wardrobe. Nail polish, shoes, accessorising, colour blocking, brand names and what not. For a moment, it seemed as if these were fashion reporters at work on a style channel, but it was actually ‘serious’ journalists on ‘serious’ news channels. Questions to the tune of

“How long did it take you to get ready” “Why are you wearing heels” “Who designed your outfit”

Ayesha Gulalai Wazir is the youngest parliamentarian elected for the National Assembly on the reserved women’s seats on Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf’s ticket. She belongs to the Wana subdivision of South Waziristan’s Ahmad Zai Wazir tribe. The Taliban commander, Naik Muhammad Wazir, also belonged to the same tribe known for having signed peace agreements with the government of Pakistan. Naik was killed in one of the first drone strikes to hit Pakistan. This was followed by deaths of other commanders, who were willing to sign similar peace agreements, such as Mulla Nazir or Waliur Rehman. A story was published about Ayesha Gulalai Wazir in this newspaper, after which, other media groups have interviewed her and stated that she is the first female parliamentarian to hail from Fata. In doing so, the media has given the impression that Fata has had no other women parliamentarian in the past, which is not true. Miss Mehrunnisa Afridi belongs to the famous Afridi tribe and has remained an MNA on PPP’s reserved seat, while Hajira Tariq Aziz, wife of famous broadcaster Tariq Aziz, has also remained an MNA and belongs to the Mohmand Musa Khel tribe. Pakhtuns, and especially the tribals, state that they have no such respect for women and sometimes even consider that WANA stands for ‘Women Are Not Allowed’. But the fact is that Pakhtuns are more liberal than others in this respect. Begum Naseem Wali Khan was the first Pakistani woman, who was elected in the general election in 1977. Rahila Qazi, daughter of former Jamaat-e-Islami chief Qazi Hussain Ahmed, a Pakhtun, was elected on the reserved women’s seat in the past. This proves that Pakhtuns have respect for their women and their women are educated and hold positions of power. Therefore, when people from outside, especially those from the Western countries, attack the Pakhtuns for maltreating their women, their criticism is based on a false notion. Every nation has its own culture and traditions and it goes against moral ethics to impose your own worldview over others. If the West cannot adjust to Pakhtun culture then it is not fair to expect Pakhtuns to adjust to their cultures or definitions of ‘ethics’ either. Read more by Mureeb here

Unforgettable and joyful memories sum up my 30 years spent in the exotic valley of Razmak. This valley lies within the northern region of Waziristan and was famously known as “Chota London” during the pre-independence period. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="512"] Officer's Quarters (BOQs) at Razmak Camp - 1930s[/caption] The British Army had set up their military camps at Razmak prior to partition. The favourable weather conditions and terrain that the valley had to offer was useful for their military exercises. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="486"] Charles Street, Razmak Camp - 1936[/caption] By building roads that pierced through the lofty mountains alongside springs boiling forth their salty water, they transformed Razmak into a beautiful hamlet with houses resembling those in the countryside of England. It can be said, without a doubt that Razmak was heaven on earth. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="512"] Officers Mess at Razmak Camp - 1936[/caption] The ‘Wazirs’ are the native inhabitants of Razmak. They have been living there for ages holding close the traditions that their ancestors introduced to them. Though some of their traditions might worry city dwellers, they seem to be content with their way of life. Their dialect of Pashto is also different from the one spoken in other Pashtun areas. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="486"] Khushal House (Front); Bilal / Ghazali House (Right)[/caption] A long time ago when we were on our way to Peshawar, our car broke down and we had to make a stop for a few hours at a nearby Pashtun house. We had never even imagined how warm and welcoming the residents were - we were treated like royalty. They laid down their new blankets on charpoys  so that we could sit comfortably and they served us with a lavish display of food too. That said - if you somehow happen to fall on their bad side, all I can say is, may God help you! Sadly, the only way they see for their enemies is death. If they don’t like you, they kill you. They hold their idiosyncrasies strong and are proud of their staunch traditions. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="480"] Cadet College Razmak Milestone - at Upper Camp Junction[/caption] After former Prime Minister Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto visited Razmak in 1978, the military camp was turned into a cadet college (Cadet College Razmak) for the Wazir children, as promised by him. My father was one of the first lecturers at the college. Over the years, my father saw it rise to the pinnacle of success, but sadly, also witnessed its downfall. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="492"] Principal and teachers at Cadet College Razmak[/caption] I remember it so vividly... The people were full of life and the weather was perfect. Nature was kind to Razmak; it was blessed with pure beauty, fresh vegetables, fruit and milk. Lunch in the summer was incomplete without a jug of lassi (yoghurt drink) with excessive amounts of butter swimming in it. Everything was in perfect harmony. Oh, the good ol’ days! [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="461"] The Scenic Cadet College Razmak Campus - From the Ridge[/caption] The day would begin with lecturers and students dashing off towards their respective classes, finding it exceptionally hard to move after devouring a hearty breakfast. Soon after, classes would commence and the day would go on and just like that come to an end. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="504"] An Algad (Torrent) on the way to Razmak[/caption] Long gone are the days when teachers and students used to walk to and back from college in peace; long gone are the days when the college existed. The ongoing missile attacks by the Taliban and the uncalled for occupation by the army caused this chapter of my life to close. And just like that, this memory fades... [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="461"] College Mosque.[/caption] I drift into a world where the roads are clean and green. The city is safe with no traffic or impatient queues for CNG... Here, ladies are free after their morning chores. They walk the streets aimlessly in their ‘shuttlecock burqa’, often stopping over at a friend’s house for a few giggles and a warm cup of tea. Warm tea is served with a side of spicy pakoras; keeping the tradition alive – serving tea without knick knacks was frowned upon. Manners were intact and children were disciplined. They were instructed not to eat more than a biscuit and refuse if offered more. If they were unable to resist, they were given a hefty lecture when they returned home. Now, forget women, even men are unable to venture out of their homes freely. This had an adverse impact on socialising. Since visiting each other was the only major activity among women in Razmak, a convention was set up for these visits which had to be followed strictly by every duteous wife. The social relations of the wife depended on those of her husband’s. In simple words, women no longer had their own lives. They were friends with who their husbands were friends with and if the husbands had a fall out with one of their friends, their obedient wives would also cut off all ties without any guilt. Razmak has fallen into mere bits and pieces; the infrastructure has been destroyed, the college has shut down, and the people have been forced to abandon their homes in which they resided for years. I consider myself lucky to have lived there in the better days, and to have enjoyed the simple pleasures of a village life. Surely, those were the best of times and all I can do now is reminisce about them. Unfortunately, there is no going back. PHOTOS: https://www.facebook.com/CadetCollegeRazmak, ONLINE

Recently, my father's close friend passed away. Baba was extremely sad and didn't have the strength to visit the family all by himself so I decided to accompany him. I reassured him by telling him that I would recite the Holy Quran while he condoled with the family. As I entered the apartment, I took off my chappals in a corner of the room where there was already a mound of different shapes and sizes of diamanté laden shoes. As promised, I took the Holy Quran and sat down next to a group of middle-aged, anorexic ladies who were dressed in expensive white loose shirts and coloured palazzo trousers - very trendy for afsoos, I thought to myself as I looked down at my plain attire. I tried to block out their incessant banter and concentrate on reciting the Holy Quran, but they were so loud that I could hear their shallow dialogue in the other corner of the room. Their conversation revolved around trendy brands and the season's fashion updates. They went on about how hard it was for them to squeeze in time out of their oh-so-busy schedules to drop in at the Portia sale and how frozen yoghurt was only about 99% fat free and not a 100% fat free. What great conversation topics to take on at a funeral, right? Well, at least they respected the occasion enough to wear subtle and mellow shades of pink and beige lipstick, let's give them that much. Eventually, their loud chatter got the better of me. It was so annoying that I had to find a new place to sit, but that wasn't very helpful either. I was sitting next to a group of men in their fifties who were busy discussing Pakistani politics. The increase in petrol and CNG prices, the terribly expensive eggs and the never ending debate on the Election Day were a few highlights from their intellectual conversation. They could've easily beaten Hamid Mir and Kamran Khan if they were to be invited on a political talk show! Oh dear! How did they expect the lifeless human being to find peace when their concerns were so much more important than his tranquility? I was appalled at their utter disrespect towards the deceased as they didn't refrain from swearing and cursing even when they came to condole with the family. However, this was not the end of my disgust. Women were accompanied by their children who just made the situation worse. They threw tantrums, tugged at their mothers' chiffon dupattas and sulked about how they'd much rather be at home than at the somber house. The teenagers there...well,what can you expect? They were glued on to their smartphones, perhaps updating their Facebook status to

"OMG at a totally dumb funeral, soooo boredddd. LOLz anyway 'sup every1?"

According to a World Health Organisation (WHO) report released this week, physical and sexual violence now affects a third of women worldwide. The consequences of this includes a myriad of health problems including broken bones, bruises, pregnancy complications and depression coupled with the harsh reality that many of these women may possibly spend their lifetime in such a relationship.  In the last year, a host of high-profile rape cases in India have helped shed the spotlight on the pandemic of sexual violence against women. Though we have a long way to go and much responsibility to bear, as a society, the immediate result has been incremental yet positive legislative and social change. More recently, this week the world was shocked by pictures of art collector Charles Saatchi publicly grabbing the throat of celebrity chef Nigella Lawson in what he would shamelessly describe later on as a “playful tiff”. Like everyone else who has seen these degrading photos my first reaction was: where was everyone and why did no one intervene? https://twitter.com/jendudley/status/346180841694699521 After all, the couple were out in public, surrounded by many, as they lunched at their favourite table in a restaurant where they have been photographed countless times. (Including this one time where Saatchi engaged in one of his “playful” gestures as he leaned over to clap a hand over Lawson’s mouth). Despite Lawson, one of the most visible women in the world, looking visibly upset and many onlookers present - including customers, paparazzi and staff who craned their necks and watched in shock – everyone seemed to be unable (or unwilling) to intervene or call for help. Although Lawson has not yet filed a police report, once the pictures went viral the police issued a caution to Saatchi (who accepted it because he did not want it “hanging” over them). The Community Safety Unit, which deals with hate crime and domestic violence in the UK, is also making inquiries. https://twitter.com/DeeDeeDunleavy/status/346096061447811075 While it is undeniably intimidating to intervene on an obviously private matter taking place between a powerful celebrity couple, the fear on her face and the tears in her eyes, as the pictures show, coupled with her silence since that day, is unsettling. No doubt, stories of celebrity domestic abuse have been instructive in raising awareness and breaking societal taboos. https://twitter.com/MiaFarrow/status/346618580202295296 In 2009, Rihanna’s assault by her then-boyfriend Chris Brown, which left her battered and bruised, brought the realities of dating violence to the forefront, making the songstress an unintentional example for many women worldwide. But why is it that we as a society only really sit up in shock and are outraged when one of the following happens: a woman is treated excessively brutally and left for dead or when photos of a rich, famous and beautiful woman under assault are exposed? As co-author of the WHO report, Claudi Garcia-Moreno, puts it (she was speaking in the context of the brutal gang rape in New Delhi), “These kinds of cases raise awareness, which is important, [but] at the same time we must remember there are hundreds of women every day who are being raped on the streets and in their homes, but that doesn’t make the headlines.” If the WHO report is anything to go by, then 25% of women worldwide are currently trapped in abusive relationships. And unlike the Nigella Lawson’s and the Rihanna’s of the world, many of these women wouldn’t have the financial means to support themselves, or the freedom to walk away should they decide to do so. Regardless of whether it is an isolated incident or a repeated offence and regardless of the degree, amount and frequency of abuse being inflicted on the victim, the vulnerability and the silence of our fellow sisters should be cause of concern enough. https://twitter.com/ThisisDavina/status/348046642768912384 Read more by Maria here or follow her on Twitter @mariakari1414

The efforts of Sheikh Rasheed Ahmed, famous not only for his street politics and outspoken nature, but also for his generosity towards educational institutions for girls in Rawalpindi, are laudable. The logic behind the presence of a Sheikh Rasheed Block at almost every school or college for girls in the constituency of NA-55 is not known to many, especially since these blocks aren’t found in any colleges for boys. Sheikh Rasheed won in the elections held this year. Sheikh Sahib mentioned at a prize distribution ceremony at Viqar-un-Nisa Post-Graduate College for Women a few years back that his colleague(s) brought several gifts with them when they returned from foreign visits, but he brought maps of “red-brick buildings”. He joked that due to the construction of blocks only at female institutions, he often drew the ire of the boys. The grievances of the Pindi boys are genuine since they have been missing out on infrastructural improvement. It is a fact that the Fatima Jinnah Women University (FJWU) in Rawalpindi was constructed due to his untiring efforts, when he was a minister during Nawaz Sharif’s tenure as chief minister. Later, when he got 12 male educational institutions renovated in the same manner, he was disappointed. The boys in Rawalpindi weren’t interested in education, he lamented. Now, he has plans to develop new ideas for the health sector in his constituency. His contribution to the field of education is laudable and overwhelming and given his dedication one should be optimistic about his future projects. The funds available for members of the National Assembly are sufficient to bring a change in this constituency, but change is only possible if one has the will and the determination to deliver, like Sheikh Rasheed does. Read more by Shazia here.

Over the years, the Federally Administered Tribal Areas of Pakistan (FATA) have been a hot topic of discussion, but for all the wrong reasons.   We, the tribal people, have been termed as 'wild' and are somehow depicted as sub-human. Our women are often at the receiving end of pity because they are believed to be subjected and persecuted. Where to start and where to begin here? Through this post, I would like to introduce you to the Fata I have spent my entire life in by busting some popular myths about this region. Myth 1: In Fata,women are to remain illiterate and house-bound Please do not believe everything you read. In all fairness, there are problems here due to the law and order situation. Nevertheless, several tribal females do pursue education within this region.  Many of my female cousins, including my sister, have graduated from renowned colleges in Fata. This is true for other families in my neighbourhood as well. There are 13 girls’ degree-colleges, out of which 11 are currently operational. Thousands of female students pursue education in these colleges while roughly 200,000 girls are currently enrolled in government-run primary, middle and secondary schools. These figures do not include the thousands who are enrolled in private schools. Though there is no co-education at secondary or college level, private schools have co-education at primary and middle school level. Myth 2: Tribesmen either love militants or drones. The reality is far from this as an overwhelming majority of us tribesmen hate both militants and drones. We hate militants because they have ruined the lives of people and pushed the advancement of Fata ten years back. My own tribe has been maintaining a lashkar (armed group of people) against militants. However, we also hate drones because they give militants the much needed ‘ideological space’ and make petty criminals look like divine soldiers. Additionally, the collateral damage due to drone attacks means that these drones give birth to more terrorists than they manage to kill – hence the vicious cycle of unending violence goes on. Myth 3: Fata is the hub of militancy and terrorism. This is one statement that particularly makes me sad. Think about it; this place is the worst victim of militancy. Since 9/11, we have had thousands of tribesmen killed, thousands of us injured, hundreds of schools destroyed and thousands of homes crushed to the ground. Almost 40% of the 4.5 million people living in Fata have been internally displaced, with nowhere to go. I myself have lost a couple of good friends and many acquaintances in this vicious war. Yet, people believe that tribesmen are violent people who kill for the sake of killing. Though, the hard terrain and tough life may have made us hot-headed, most of us yearn for peaceful lives. My own father, despite his lack of education, never allowed me to carry a weapon in my village. He believed that most enmities are sown because verbal arguments turn into a killing spree in the heat of the moment between people who carelessly carry weapons. Yes, we have some criminals here, but isn't this true for almost every district in the world? People here just want peace. Myth 4: Tribesmen are utterly different from ‘typical human beings’. What can I say here expect that we tribesmen are not unlike regular people. We require schools for our children, hospitals for our ill and playgrounds for exertion. We need industrial activity, agriculture and business growth to earn a living. We need roads, bridges and other infrastructure projects to facilitate mobility for us. We need electricity, water, sanitation, waste disposal and other services including social uplift projects. We need telephones, mobile phones and the internet to keep abreast with the latest developments in the world. Our needs and wants are hardly any different from those of typical ‘human beings’. Myth 5: Tribesmen are wild; they can never be tamed and they don't want to abide by the laws. The truth is that we are not ‘wild’ at all. In fact, when seen in context, we may be more law abiding than several people elsewhere in Pakistan. We wholeheartedly follow unwritten laws called tribal customs. Even in the absence of formal police and judicial authorities, the pre 9/11 crime rate in Fata, excluding deaths in tribal feuds, remained lower than that of any settled areas of the country. Robberies, thefts and rape cases are rare. This is not to assert that the tribal customs are perfect laws; on the contrary, I feel many are primitive. But my point is that our people have the capacity to abide by and accept laws. There is only one precondition: the laws must not be 'imposed' on us forcefully. Any law that is implemented through a gradual system of evolution is respected and adhered to. Taming the tribesmen requires some skill and affection. A Pashto saying explains this perfectly:

‘You can take a Pashtun to hell by the way of love but you can't take him to heaven by the way of force.’

If you are a woman who belongs to the circle of society that sees itself as urban and educated, you will most likely find yourself adequately qualified with a degree and then promptly married off within a few years of working. Of course, that is if you managed to put your foot down in the first place to demand that you be allowed to work before marriage. Upon assuming marital responsibilities, it is but natural that your degree and work are pushed to the back seat, because now you are expected to take on domesticity as your foremost occupation. Or so you think. Times have changed. People expect you to take on domestic duties with the zeal of a ‘housewife’ – the perfect home maker. However, they also expect that you do not waste away your academic and professional qualifications, since that would be an injustice to society and to yourself. In other words, they expect you to be a Superwoman – handling your job, home, children, in-laws, all in a day’s work. You witness this in everyday interactions with people. 'So what do you do?' is a matter-of-fact question asked after the usual pleasantries when you meet a new person. “I am a stay-at-home mom,” you reply sheepishly, thinking of all the hasty assumptions the other person is possibly making about you. He or she may take you as dim-witted, with no exposure to the outside world, and possibly lazy from sitting at home. Then follows the apologetic explanation from your end - how you live in a nuclear family and cannot leave the children alone; how the kids take up all your time. It comes across as this: the decision to stay at home and exclusively tend to family is not an active choice of your own. No, instead you must be a victim of your circumstances. For many women, that, in fact, may be the case. But pretending you never had an option in the first place is often an attempt to conceal your guilt at making the personal choice to exclusively tend to home. It is a means of fending off possible pressure of people judging you on wasting away your life sitting at home. If in previous years, the society expected girls to take on their post-marital domestic duties seriously, they now expect us to take on the additional responsibility of sharing household expenses as well. We must be making a contribution to society, utilising our academic qualifications in a well-paid job. That is what urban, suave, educated women do! And, of course, in this juggling act, there is no room for failure on the household front. You are expected to return from work and see that the household is in order; from cooking and cleaning the house to ensuring that your family's physical and emotional needs are met. In spite of these increased expectations from women, the function of men in the household has not changed much. At the end of the day, they come home from work, expect a hot dinner, a clean house and plenty of rest. Additionally, they expect a working-housewife. Modern society may have emancipated several women by making them financially independent and intellectually sound, but are our lives any easier than they used to be? Read more by Mifrah here.

As certain words and concepts in English are out of their range of experience, my students, coming from an underprivileged background, find it difficult to understand or accept them. With English nursery rhymes for example, since Jack was remiss enough to break his crown, the girls thought he and Jill were king and queen, until I explained otherwise.  Humpty Dumpty on the other hand continues to be viewed with deep distrust, however much I pleaded his cause. It isn’t, after all, normal to be an egg person. The resultant doubt of his being quite kosher creates a degree of disquiet. If ever Humpty wanders into our class my students, far from being delighted, would inch as far away from him as possible. Nevertheless, nursery rhymes (once you’ve explained egg people and cows jumping over the moon) are useful and interesting teaching aids, generating discussion on a basic level with questions like, ‘Who is this poem about?’ or ‘Where are Jack and Jill going?’ Or, if you’re teaching tenses: ‘Who was this poem about?’ and ‘Where were Jack and Jill going?’ My students, daughters of thela wallas, cooks, tailors, have as much of an uphill task as any Jill getting permission to study, and run as much risk of breaking their crowns in their domestic lives, as Jack. There’s Zareena, whose father threatens to remove her from school any time she displays initiative such as cooking at a neighbour’s house when there was no gas at home. There’s Maria, whose father routinely beats her mother, who beats the oldest sister, who beats Maria... who is allowed to study only to spite her father’s sister, whose children are not similarly permitted by their father. Maria attends wearing a black abaya and scarf even at this all girls’ school, in the heat at times in the mid thirties in an un-air-conditioned environment. So yes, one tries to make no waves because sensibilities are easily dented in Zareena and Maria’s community. Unfortunately, it takes only a tiny wavelet to rock the boat. I thought I had all bases covered; Jack and Jill, being sinful infidels may freely climb and fall down hills and break their crowns, if that is all they do. Needless to say that the variation on the theme ‘I don’t know what they did up there, but they came down with a daughter’ would not be discussed in this class. I reckoned without little piggy. By the time we collectively arrived at the stage of detesting the words ‘past’, ‘present’ and ‘future’, both perfect or continuous, the class began getting the hang of tenses. It was time to move on to singular and plural. Since the closest to a number rhyme in Urdu ‘Aik tha raja, aik thi rani, dono mar gaye, khatam kahani,’ (there was one king, and one queen, both of them died, and that’s the end of the story) is not very helpful, and mine is an English class anyway, I settled on the five little piggies to teach about one or more of a given thing. Which piggy went to market? How many piggies were there in all? If each pig ate one loaf, how many loaves did he buy? Note the ‘loaves’ cunningly placed in the same sentence, with ‘loaf’, plural and singular with a vengeance. A pall hung over the class. I presumed it was the heat, and it was a singularly hot day; the girls were muffled in headscarves and coats and other trailing and stifling things.  I took a sip of water.

“The first little piggy went to market.  How many piggies were there in all?”

“Come on, girls! The first little piggy went to market, the second one stayed at home... look, it’s right here on the board. How many piggies were there in all? Tell me.”

The best environment for terrorism is ‘poverty, injustice, racism, and deprivation of human rights,’ factors identified by Malala at the UN on June 12. Pakistan, where terrorism is a major force, has them all. Malala, a living example should know, and obviously her defiance emboldened other women, since all four factors are rampant in Malala’s district, Swat, where the men are known for male chauvinism, like a dragon is also known as a worm. Tahira, married at 12, suffered marital abuse. There’s nothing unusual about either the child marriage or the abuse, they happen all the time. One day her husband threw acid on her, which also happens pretty often. Most victims manage to survive (although many die). Tahira died a horrific death after days of agony. Why was Tahira married at that age? Why was she not in school? Why did no one help her? And why, after she died, did the regular authorities refuse her parents’ plea for justice, or even register the case? Such are the manifestations of a government that does diddlysquat. Government courts take years to settle cases, so Tahira’s parents took the case to their local jirga composed of men, who said that Tahira’s parents should marry their son to Tahira’s murderer’s sister. Mercifully, a women’s jirga had recently come into being, mobilised by an NGO in Swat. It calls itself the ‘Khwaindo Tolana’, meaning the “Sister’s Group”. Naturally the male jirga does not recognise its female counterpart, which wholeheartedly returns the compliment:

“We’re fed up with male-only jirgas that decide only in the favour of men and sacrifice women for their own mistakes,” said Tabbassum Adnan, who heads the female jirga.

Once upon a time, Ammi used to have a list of exciting chores ready for her girls when Eid day arrived. This was the drill: Abba and brothers go for Eid namaz, and while they are gone, we, the women, had to make taaza (fresh) sheer khorma, change bed linen and table cloths (it was some family ritual, I think), get ready, pray the short Eid namaz at home, and be happily ready for the guys to return and give us Eidi. On Bari Eid (Eidul Azha), a slight modification would be to get ready after the meat was distributed and done with; however, the rest remained the same. It was all lovely. I am thankful that my mother made sure Eid was splendidly exciting for our family, and that we didn’t spend Eid morning catching up on sleep. Just one thing was sorely missing in these otherwise lovely, fun family mornings of this most important festival. Like a majority of Pakistani women, we never went for Eid namaz. We, culturally, do not think about traditions; we just follow them. Often, we don’t even know why we are doing a certain thing. We just do it because everyone else does. And so for the longest time, I never really questioned why we celebrated Eid. The emphasis was on the festivity and celebration, not on why it was such a big deal, just like we prepare for months and years for the wedding, not the marriage. Somewhere, the essence dwindles away. That’s what my Eid was like for a long time. Years later, a friend randomly invited me to come along with her on Eid namaz. I could not say no because I knew by then through authentic prophetic traditions that the Holy Prophet (pbuh) had in fact strongly advised women to go for Eid namaz and join in the collective prayers of the festival. And so I went. It wasn’t easy the first time, in all honesty. My daughter was still young and it was winter time. Dragging a little child out of bed, getting her and myself ready early on Eid morning when your body is already sleep-deprived after a month of interrupted sleep - it wasn't easy. Also, till then my family wasn’t so convinced this was something very important, which meant I had to drive down myself and find a parking outside a crowded mosque. However, am I glad I went. Since that day, I have never missed the opportunity unless there’s been a serious reason. I found out what men enjoy there and women miss out on. Raising your hands multiple times till your ears and saying “Allahu Akbar” reminds one of why we are celebrating Eid in the first place. It is a celebration of the fact that this past month, we may have inched closer to our Creator. We may have become better human beings; we may have been forgiven this Ramadan; we may be starting with a clean slate and for that, we thank God and rejoice. Women who go for Eid namaz regularly know that it is not just a spiritual but also a wonderful social experience. The feeling of togetherness and of a community that is swiftly fading in our fast-paced lives is revived. We greet those we know and we greet those we don’t know, and we don’t really care who makes the first move. We congratulate each other and set out with our families after that to eat, meet, greet and enjoy the blessings God has showered on us. If you take away the Eid namaz from Eid, there is honestly a sense of disconnect between Ramadan and the rest of the year, starting on Chand Raat. We have this 30-day crash course in connection with the Divine, in charity, in prayers and in goodness, and suddenly, we switch all of that off on Eid morning. Interestingly, many Pakistani women who have been going for taraweeh throughout Ramadan do not go for Eid namaz. More intriguing is how the same women who regularly go for Eid prayers when abroad do not do so when back home in Pakistan. While a small but increasing number of Pakistani women are going for Eid namaz to mosques, a majority still don’t. The reasons are predictable; for one, not many mosques have that arrangement. Organisers of mosques will be more open to women’s wings in mosques if more women want to go. Another reason is simple laziness and time management skills that need improvement. Women who don’t want to miss Eid namaz still make the sheer khorma and still change the linen in a ritualistic manner, but they do it a day before. It also boils down to a lack of awareness about the fact that yes, women are supposed to say their Eid namaz too, just like the men. Talking of the men - they are often not used to the idea. They don’t mind if their lady was out shopping on Chand Raat till midnight, but will raise their brows quizzically if she says “I want to go for Eid namaz”. Maybe it’s time for the men to rethink; maybe it’s time Pakistani women head for Eid namaz in Pakistan. If you are a woman and do decide to go for Eid namaz this time, here are some of the places it will be held at:

• Faisal Mosque, Islamabad
• Jamia Masjid DHA, Sector J, Masjid Chowk, Lahore
• Khalid masjid, Cavalry grounds, Lahore
• Imambargah Yathrab, Phase 4, DHA, Karachi (For Fiqh-e-Jafria)
• Ayesha Masjid, Khayaban-e-Ittehad, Karachi
• Masjid Saad bin Abi Waqqas, Phase 4, DHA, Karachi
• Quran Academy masjid, Seaview, Karachi
• Gulistan-e-Anis, off Shaheed-e-Millat road, Karachi
• Sada bahaar lawn, off Shaheed-e-Millat road, Karachi
• Masjid Bait-us-Salam, Commercial Avenue, phase 4, DHA, Karach