The first slap is the worst – red, hot searing pain across the face. But what sears through is more than a slap. Something breaks inside. A feeling of helplessness, vulnerability and a shattered sense of self-worth takes over which is why, a woman’s first reflex reaction is always disbelief; shock. It is an instant realisation of the painful reality that she will never forget that moment. That she will never be able to unlearn this blow. Sanam Baloch depicted a battered woman’s experience beautifully in the recent Hum TV serial Kankar which ended on December 6, 2013. The serial, with its protagonist ‘Kiran’ being a woman who chooses ‘honour’ over a damaging and abusive marriage, seems to have hit a raw nerve with people. Its popularity lies in the fact that this play has managed to raise some important questions. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Sanam Baloch, who plays the role of Kiran in Kankar. Photo: Kankar Official Facebook Page[/caption] With more and more research unearthing the fact that many Pakistani women get beaten in urban cities and a lot of them are educated women – it is not surprising then that a debate has ensued because of this play. I encountered a sample of that debate on my Facebook wall, at dinners and with close friends. It was fascinating to me that Kiran’s character is that of a lower middle-class girl. The abusive but handsome and rich husband (played by Fahad Mustafa) claims to ‘love’ her and so is her ticket to a better, more affluent life. In reality, a lot of urban and affluent women stay in abusive marriages, even suffering domestic violence, to maintain the social status and a standard of living. But Kiran chooses to leave all of that behind. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Fahad Mustafa, who plays the role of Sikander in Kankar. Photo: Kankar Official Facebook Page[/caption] She remarries a man who takes her around on a motorbike and she is busy with household chores all day. She leaves behind a life of luxury, simply because this man will potentially respect her more. Mind you, she doesn’t leave Mr ‘I-love-you-means-I-can-beat-you’ right away. She gives him warnings and chances. It is after she miscarries when he hits her that she realises she has had enough. But the responses I got to the question ‘did she do the right thing’ were a mix of encouraging and disturbing. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="450"] Cast of Kanker. Photo: Kanker Official Facebook Page[/caption] One friend said,

“Life is not a bed of roses; you have to compromise at some point. No one gets a perfect life, so one should see the positives and then decide.”

“But the reason she was beaten up was because she was a very headstrong woman! She argued too much. Women who don’t learn to keep quiet end up suffering. See, in this serial, he is fine with his second wife because she doesn’t argue.”

“It’s about whether we give more importance to money or izzat. If you give someone loads of money but no respect, is that a happy compromise?”

“You cannot change a person (completely). Many a women have wasted their lives in the hope… [while] a vicious cycle of abuse which only gets worse. And children brought up in this environment are more prone to psychological scarring,” said one friend on Facebook.

“Kankar makes for such an engrossing watch because of the complexities of each character. Sikander is the product of an abusive relationship and classical conditioning plays an important role in his upbringing; if the wife argues or says anything that might remotely resemble anything as having an opinion, give her a good whack. Whereas Kiran is the quintessential headstrong girl of our times –somebody who knows her rights and does not shy away from demanding them. She is not willing to be treated as a doormat, and rightly so,” she concluded.

“Violence inflicted on a spouse (in particular) is never justified, unless it’s in self-defence or to protect another.”

For as far back as I can remember most fights I had were with girls. In high school, I was okay to know I didn’t have many girls by my side, aside from the select one or two I had decided to be loyal to, protect and love till the end of our lives. Quite aptly, I was honoured at our Oscar’s themed farewell dinner in 11^th grade; my title read “Bring it on”. A conversation with four colleagues reminded me of those years. They seemed to be in swift agreement when it came to deciding one thing about women- they hated each other. Sure, it was a teeny tiny girl who told my friend she should hit the gym, apparently because her body shape was a “muffin-top”. Sure, it was a girl who told me,

“You look so tired. You should get a different job”.

“They’re jealous”, replied a gentleman on Twitter when I asked the million-dollar question. (I would have been happier with a robot’s response with a spam link)

“Yeah, obviously. We’re the same.”

“But she called me fat!” the friend wailed despite KR’s sincerest efforts to tell her otherwise.

“They’re judgmental because they’re so competitive yaar. They enjoy each other’s fatal mistakes.”

“Must have done it for the money”

“When there is so much pressure to be a certain way in society, it’s bound to result in negativity. So much is expected off of women, it has to show in some form.”

“It goes back to history; we compete for the best mate, to ensure the reproduction of our own genes. Survival of the fittest”, she wrote back when I gave up to ask, “So is it on our genes or what?”

“Hate is probably too strong a word but we do dislike other women.”

“Yes! We do hate each other!” she said with flash speed as an answer to the question.

Being the daughter of a surgeon, and being a lawyer myself, I hear and read stories everyday about how certain mishaps which have occurred could have been avoided with the simple proviso: education.  The government needs to encourage the right of women to be educated. Listed below are 10 real-life situations where education would have prevented unfortunate outcomes. 1)  A woman who is encouraged to abort a daughter or is killed or divorced upon producing daughters. If she was educated, the woman would know that the gender of a baby is decided by the male sperm and not by a woman’s eggs. This is basic genetics. 2)  A woman who lets her children play around flying kites, not realising that this can be perilous for them. Common sense dictates to keep children away from such areas to avoid accidents. 3)  A woman who doesn’t take care of her personal hygiene. An educated woman would know that hygiene is an essential component of a child’s upbringing. Washing hands after using the toilet can easily prevent diseases such as cholera and stomach infections. 4)  A woman who thinks the polio virus sterilises her. An educated woman would know very well that polio can be a debilitating disease for her children and measures must be taken to curb it from spreading.  She would understand that the World Health Organisation (WHO) is doing its utmost to eradicate this disease. 5)  A woman who doesn’t know how to read or write and gives medication to her children, which is more than the amount stated. This can often result in severe allergic reactions in children and sometimes even death due to overdosing. 6)  A woman who doesn’t wish to rely on the marvels of modern medicine, fearing it to be some sort of foreign conspiracy and relies on hakims or herbal medicines instead to heal what actually requires medical attention; for example, remedying diabetes with herbal medication, when insulin is urgently required. 7)  A woman whose rights to property are taken away from her by signing legal documents under duress or without the appropriate legal advice, resulting in her losing access to what she rightfully owns. 8)  A woman who doesn’t check her Nikahnama (marriage contract) to see if the section which allows her to seek a Khula (Islamic divorce) has been ticked or not. If this section isn’t ticked then the woman has no legal right to seek a divorce unless her husband divorces her first. This is a right of seminal importance and deprived to many women out of sheer ignorance. 9)  A woman who is told that her marriage can only take place if her family provides a heavy dowry.  She would know that this is a cultural requirement and holds no position in Islam. 10)  A woman who stuffs her genitals with cloth to avoid getting pregnant again, resulting in internal infections. An educated woman would be aware of contraceptive choices available to her and would take active steps to plan her family accordingly. These are just a few of the medico-legal issues women faced by uneducated women. There is a whole other world of dependency and reliance that women place on men when they don’t have the benefits of education. The aim here is to raise awareness of how closed minded a woman without education can become. Some people consider women’s education to be superfluous and pointless but such situations, which continue to occur on a daily basis, provide a distinct and poignant reason why every woman should be educated. There is a famous quote by Brigham Hill which states

“You educate a man, you educate a man.  You educate a woman, you educate a generation”

Recently, I posted an article on Facebook titled, ‘Sorry but being a mother is not the most important job in the world’ only to be faced with the wrath of many women, both with and without children, about how insensitive this article was and how I would never understand the importance of motherhood until I had my own child. The reaction I received to the post points to two things. First, perhaps understandably, the reactions seemed to be based on emotions rather than a critical reading of what the article actually says. The author is in no way trying to deride or ridicule the importance of motherhood but, on the contrary, says that motherhood is more than simply a ‘job’ and is a permanent relationship that one cannot quit, take a vacation from or earn a salary out of. The other point of the article is that by classifying being a mother as ‘the most important job in the world’, it takes away from the importance of other relationships such as gay parents, single fathers, grandparents or other guardians. Making such a statement has a tendency to reduce women to just that, ‘a mother’, when her aspirations and identity should extend much beyond that. What was more disturbing than the misinterpretation of the article was the notion that since I had no children of my own, I wasn’t entitled to have an opinion about motherhood. While I might not have given birth or raised a child yet, I still do have the capacity to think, reflect and formulate opinions. Such patronising statements are not only offensive, but they make little sense. It’s similar to saying,

“Since I have never been hit by a drone, I have no right to have an opinion for or against drone strikes”

“Since I am not African American, I have no right to support the civil liberties movement.”

I once had dreams of building a successful career as a legal professional. I pursued this dream all the way up to studying for the Bar-entrance-examination. However, our society expects a girl to get married as soon as she crosses puberty - before she can make any serious effort to pursue a career. Eventually, I too had to succumb to pressure and tied the knot half expecting a career shift from the court room to the kitchen. Initially, things worked like a charm and I was blessed with a home that I could proudly term my ‘heaven’. Yet I couldn't curb my desire to get out there and work; to have a distinct identity of my own. Isn't it one of the most difficult things to do - to kill your dreams and not give yourself a chance to see them come true? Thankfully, I was blessed with the support of a husband who understood my need to be more than a homemaker, and a son who gave me immense perspective on life and more strength than I could have otherwise gathered. Unfortunately, for the majority of working women, killing their dreams becomes inevitable after marriage. Despite living in times of progressive change, women are expected to stay at home, raise children and manage household chores. Women receive very little help from their in-laws, especially the female members, who could share such responsibilities. For most women, it becomes almost impossible to pursue a career alongside family life. Working mothers further worry about leaving their children back at home and this obviously takes a toll on their performance. As a working woman, I struggle with all the above mentioned issues on a daily basis, and the only way I managed to balance work and family was with the assistance of all the women in my life who made sure that I fulfilled my dream. I leave home for work early in the day and return quite late in the evening knowing that my mother-in-law is taking care of my son. Most importantly, she give me confidence that I won’t be labelled as a ‘bad mother’ or an ‘irresponsible woman’ who is only focused on her career with no sense of responsibility towards family. When I need support, encouragement and guidance, I have my own mother, sisters and sisters-in-law constantly by my side. This is how I can concentrate on my work while away from my husband and son. In my experience, this is the best gift any female member of the family can give to women who need support to pursue their careers.  If all women in every household could help each other overcome the barriers erected by society -- which rigidly assigns all household affairs to women -- many of us would be able to have successful professional lives. We usually hear people casually stating,

“Aurat hee aurat ki dushman ha” (A woman’s enemy is always a woman)

“Aurat hee aurat ki madad kartee hai” (only a woman can help another woman)

"Hi, would you like to become friends with me?" "Well, you are a stranger and I am not allowed to talk to strangers." "If we talk, we can get to know each other, then we won't be strangers anymore."

“I am afraid but I think its goodbye forever. I love you. I’m sorry because I’m not the perfect wife, but I tried. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I love you so much… Soon it will all be over.”

Step aside, Pitbull. There’s a brand new way to be inappropriately close to women way out of your league!  It is a lesson not just for Pakistanis but for all humanity, for all men and children who are aiming to be men. Arbaz Khan, the pre-teen pre-pubescent boy, whose baby fat is still probably lodged in places that only the next five years can remove, shakes his groove with a woman old enough to be his mother. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x190fjx_mathira-feat-arbaz-khan-jhootha-official-music-video-hd_music[/embed] My eyes widen as does Mathira’s cleavage. My throat constricts as Mathira belts out one tuneless note after another. Not that I am against sex-positive feminism or against ladies singing their hearts out, but this is all too reminiscent of a Shakespearean tragedy or a Greek play filled with inappropriate gesticulating, mediocre lyrics and substandard budgeting. Sex sells and Mathira is game, sure. But that definitely does not mean that she gets to dance with, what anyone with an IQ of 70 can label as, a child and call it ‘entertainment’. In most countries, this could be considered child abuse, or definitely in a dangerously grey area. Whether I was on a Parent’s Television Council or the Grammy nomination panel, I would still cringe - out of distaste at someone’s poor attempt to sell something that was just average by using Mathira’s ‘assets’. When Aaron Carter and Justin Beiber sang about love’s labours, they at least chose someone their own size. Arbaz – with all his spiked glories – cannot reach anywhere beyond Mathira’s shoulders. I wonder if Arbaz Khan’s parents are listening or if parents of other equally hormonal, financially stable teenagers (with enough in their piggy banks to finance an SLR, a digital animator and a fancy laptop) are staying up at night thinking of all the requests their sons will be making after watching this video, requests like:

“But, mommy, why can’t I dance with my friend’s mom? If Arbaz Khan can, why can’t I?”

“Tu saath mere achi lagay, jagg saara ye jaanta!” (You look good with me, the whole world knows.)

Domestic violence - a truly horrific term, to which only its victims can truly relate, is another one of the many plagues Pakistan suffers from. Honestly, I had never thought much about it. I knew what it meant and I knew it existed but that was the extent of my thoughts on the matter, probably because I have never experienced or witnessed it and so I could not relate to it. Or probably because, like so many of us, the bubble of my privileged social setup never gave me a window into this terrifying reality that engulfs many women. But the biggest myth that I believed up until recently was that domestic violence is something that is born out of poverty and illiteracy and therefore only exists in remote villages and uneducated families where people don’t know any better. This myth was shattered when I spoke to a certain someone – a girl of about my age, highly educated, quite well-off, belonging to the same social class as myself, and yet often beaten up by her spouse. It was a shock for me, after all it brought into question the naive understanding I had of this practice. And that’s when the obvious hit me. How could domestic violence and education have any direct relation? It’s not like our schools teach us how to deal with any battering that may or may not occur. I now believe it is in fact a set of social and cultural sanctions in Pakistan that lead to domestic violence. A certain mindset is passed down generations by both the transgressors as well as the victims of this kind of abuse. In Pakistan, it is said that 80% of the women suffer violence of varying degrees in their homes and the matter persists primarily because society condones and defends it either directly or indirectly. It is a learned behaviour in Pakistani society, absorbed into our lifestyle through generations following the same pattern. Young girls see their mothers going through the same treatment and unknowingly adapt to the system. This does not imply that they approve of it but they accept it as something that is not open to debate or alteration. Girls come to identify their mothers as the victims of aggression and expect similar fates for themselves when they grow up with no control over what happens to them. Domestic violence is normalised within the families via two major forces: the patriarchal set-up where men enjoy unlimited and unquestionable authority, and rigid gender roles that are responsible for stringent control over women’s actions. Pakistani society is a male-dominated one where power and control is central to men and where women have a normative and traditional responsibility to obey their men at all costs. Unfortunately, education often does little to break this age-old way of thinking that still exists in many families, even if implicitly. Women, from a very early age are instilled with tolerance and acceptance of the fact that their lives are completely controlled by men in all spheres of their lives and that they are not to question that system. What is domination by fathers, uncles and brothers later must transform into blind subjugation to the commands of the husband. In order to lend strength to the patriarchal system, women are taught to be obedient, docile and placid whereas men are equated with authoritarian control and violence. In such a framework, violence and assault against wives is naturalised and women are moulded into the character-description of domestic violence. Through this justification of domestic abuse by using gender roles, women are tutored throughout their lives to behave in ways that complement the power structure and therefore they consent to their own subordination. They come to accept beatings inflicted on them as just another male ‘gender trait’ enforced on them by ‘destiny’. Often, women try to explain their position by claiming that,

‘It is in the nature of men to resort to violence and women should be understanding and patient’.

The desire to hold the rein is one thing, to actually command it is another. At most social gatherings, we often find women complaining about how miserable their lives are and how their in-laws who live with them keep putting hurdles in their way. They usually sum up their tale of woe by saying,

“Apni marzi se banda mar bhi nahi sakta hai” (You can’t even die at your own will)

“Baba appa!” (Dad!) “Khana lagadiya hai thanda ho jaiga!”  (Dinner is served and will turn cold!)

A Danish tourist was abducted and gang raped at knife point in New Delhi last week. This is yet another one of a series of rapes that has shocked India and has shamed us once again. I have compiled a list of pointers that I think would make travelling safer for women tourists in India. Having travelled extensively throughout the length and breadth of the country, I have a fair bit of experience on dealing with problems that women could face while travelling alone or with fellow women. I’ve even made my share of mistakes that could have landed me in trouble, had I run out of luck, which thankfully, I didn’t. Here’s what I think women need to keep in mind: 1) Exercise caution when interacting with strangers Some men, in this part of the world, may sometimes misunderstand your politeness or friendliness as overtures for something more than what you are willing to offer. While interacting with locals is a part of the charm of travelling, always be on guard. It’s never prudent to reveal too much of information about yourself. 2) Avoid late night arrivals I always avoid going out at late hours of the evening or in the wee hours of the morning. Since I travel to new locations that I am unfamiliar with, I feel safer reaching my destination in broad daylight when the roads are swarming with people. 3) Book the upper compartment when travelling by train I’ve learnt this the hard way! I’ve had to deal with unsavoury incidents where men have tried to grope me in the middle of the night while I’m fast asleep. So if you’re travelling by train, always book the upper compartment so that perverse men find it difficult to feel you up when you’re sleeping. Also, travelling in two tiered air-conditioned berths or three tiered air-conditioned berths is safer than travelling in the general compartments. 4) Avoid accepting food or drinks from fellow passengers There have been innumerable incidents involving unwary travellers who’ve been robbed after accepting food laced with sedatives or some kind of drug that leaves them unconscious. Hence, avoid accepting snacks or even water from people you’ve just met. 5) Choose hotels wisely I once stayed at a hotel where certain guests present made me feel uneasy. I dismissed my instincts and instead of changing hotels, my friends and I decided to stay put. Soon enough we regretted that decision when we were woken up in the dead of the night and were made extremely uncomfortable by the noise of drunken revelry of the same guests. The point that I’m trying to make is that always trust your instincts and act on them. If you get a negative feeling or vibe about your surroundings, extricate yourself from those settings without losing any time. Referring to travel websites and relying on hotel recommendations by travellers is always a good idea. 6) Sometimes, people in India stare! It’s not necessarily only the men; I’ve even had women stare at me. Many a time, the staring is due to curiosity about outsiders and tourists. Be prepared! If you’re a white woman travelling in rural India or touristy places, you may be hounded with requests for photographs. It’s okay to politely turn the pleas down if you feel uncomfortable. 7) Asking for directions If you’ve lost your way, rely on technology and use GPS. Asking for directions is a good option but don’t let people lead you to your destination. You never know where they are actually taking you. Verifying the directions you’ve received from a passer-by with others will ensure that you’re on the right route. 8) Invitations from locals to visit their homes While there have been plenty of incidents where my fellow travellers and I have accepted invitations from locals for tea or dinner, this may not always be safe. I dread to think of the outcome, had we come across unscrupulous men with malevolent intentions. Luckily, we’ve always been at the receiving end of some warm hospitality from kind, fellow countrymen. 9) Your cell phone is your guardian angel Your cell phone may prove to be a true friend in times of need. Keep it on your person at all times. 10) Taking lifts This is all too common with travellers and trekkers visiting the Himalayas. Rely on government buses or hire private vehicles while travelling in the mountains. Taking risks like accepting lifts may land you in a soup sooner or later. Why invite trouble, eh? 11) Keeping family and friends in the loop Always keep your loved ones updated about your whereabouts and future travels plans. They may be able to track you down and help you in case the need ever arises. Texting or emailing them certain information like your travel itinerary, name and telephone numbers of hotels you plan to stay at and the numbers of taxis and rickshaws you travel by will hold you in good stead. You could even ask the rickshaw or taxi driver to tell you the number of his vehicle after boarding it and then repeat it to a friend on the phone. This is a trick to let the driver know that you are being vigilant and their information has been passed on. 12) Pepper spray is your weapon Carry a pepper spray with you at all times and do not hesitate in using it to defend yourself if you face any kind of harassment. 13) Skinny dipping is a complete no-no Recently, a group of 50 Russian naval personnel went skinny dipping off the coast of Karnataka, South West India. This incident irked the locals and other tourists present, causing the local police to intervene. I’ve seen foreigners and Indians strip down to the bare minimum at beaches in other states like Goa but it would be sensible to avoid indulging in such practices since locals interpret such acts as a sign of disrespect towards their culture. 14) Avoid visiting deserted locales On a trip to a pristine beach aeons ago, my friend and I realised we were alone at the beach with no other human in sight. While we were exhilarated at the time, I later realised how unsafe that situation could have been for two young girls alone at a beach. Avoid putting yourself in similar situations. 15) Research Always do a little bit of research on the city or state you plan to visit to get an idea about the security situation of the area and take the necessary precautions while travelling. 16) Report miscreants If you ever come across a situation where you find men misbehaving with you or around you, report the incident to the local police immediately. In my experience, the general public takes incidents of women being ‘eve teased’ head on. Create a scene if men try to grope you or make inappropriate sexual comments. The public is bound to come to your aid in such situations. 17) Appearing self-assured If you’re travelling alone for the first time or if you’re travelling to an unknown location where the local language is not one that you are familiar with, it’s natural to be a tad bit apprehensive. But the key lies in putting up a self-assured or confident front. Your demeanour, to a certain extent, may determine how people perceive you and the attitude they adopt towards you. The vibe people need to get from you is that you’re a strong woman who is capable of taking good care of herself and being defensive. You need to come across as a woman who is sure of herself. Strong women get troubled as well but there are situations where people back off because confident and outspoken ladies intimidate them. If you appear nervous or apprehensive, it may make it that much easier for people to try and manipulate you. For some of the men out there, here’s some food for thought for you. The true test of your manhood is how you treat a woman; any and every woman. If you do not respect a woman, you’re only half a man - Times of India. Having said all of this, I must add that there have been numerous occasions when I’ve received help and guidance from fellow travellers and strangers alike. Indians are a helpful and hospitable lot and there’s no greater thrill than exploring a country as beautiful and diverse as India. However, like all other countries, we have our share of criminals and the pointers mentioned above will hopefully help you stay off the radar of these rogues. Happy and safe travelling!

As a woman, you grow up under the shadow of men. You look up to them to make important decisions for you. Ranging from how you have to eat and address your peers to what you should be studying, who you should be marrying, how to protect your body, your offspring, what’s the appropriate time for you to hang up the phone to how fragile your reputation is in a patriarchal society such as ours. Your self- worth becomes a bit of a joke – a paradox and a concept that Pakistani women, quite obviously, are still struggling with. Are we independent women who can take charge of our own destinies or are we hapless damsels in distress waiting for knights in shining armours, preferably wearing a white shiny sherwani? Long story short, whether it is our self-esteem or our right to live as equal citizens of the ‘Land of the Pure’, Pakistan does not protect us. The constitution of Pakistan has no clear-cut law against domestic violence. Human Rights Watch commented that between 70% to 90% of women in Pakistan are victims of some kind of domestic abuse. Pakistan’s population is roughly 49% female and 51% male. That means almost half of the people of Pakistan are deprived of a voice. The reason I am bringing up such harrowing statistics is not to report a crime against a woman where her head was shaved off or someone threw acid on her face, since we all take such news with a pinch of salt anyways. I am here because in a few days something monumental is about to happen. The Pakistani government is launching talks with Tehreek-e-Taliban Pakistan (TTP) in order to ‘negotiate’ over terrorism, hoping that somehow a group of men from their barracks will go and talk to a group of men sitting in another set of barracks so that suddenly our hospitals and girls’ schools will stop getting bombed. What strikes as ironical in this monumental event, apart from the glaringly obvious reasons, is that while it is women whom the Taliban have brazenly and openly attacked, and forced to step back into stone age in the ‘Talibanisation’ of Pakistan – as per the TTP agenda – and while it is women and their future which is at clear stake, no woman is involved or brought forward to discuss these matters. We are to believe that Pakistan, the country that celebrated its first woman prime minister in a Muslim country, has no female representative to be a part of a committee to talk about a matter that directly affects half of its population. From Benazir Bhutto to Malala Yousafzai, from little girls going to school in Mingora to the polio workers, from women in the armed forces to even female celebrities, Talibanisation poses a credible life threat to us. Anyone who has a daughter or a sister going to school in Peshawar hoped that no bomb strikes them. Any organisation that attempts to create helpful institutions in Pakistani tribal areas that lack food, medicine and vaccines, is cleared away with robbery, threats and blackmail. Any woman who sits and watches in silence as old men decide what the future of Pakistan is going to be has no idea whether she should trust their judgment or pray for a miracle. It is men who have decided to have these talks. It is men who have decided to move forward with these talks. And it is a group of men who will sit down and decide what is good for the women who are not a part of the discussion at all. It is a jirga of sorts that assembles the powerful men, decides what fits its own agenda and moves on with the repercussions because hey, it wasn’t going to directly affect them anyway. It would do well for the Pakistani government to remember that women are clearly not part of this dialogue because the group of people on the other end of the spectrum consider women as children of a lesser God, if such an allegory may even be applicable. And thus, the Pakistani government must not negotiate. They are cancerous to Pakistan’s social, economic and political future. They disregard half of the Pakistani population as worthless, unimportant and irrelevant. The other half they want to kill because they think their version of Islam is better than those everyday workers who don’t think that wearing jeans is a sign of direct disobedience to God. Their version of a crime against a woman is letting her wear what she wants. Their version of making a woman happy is keeping her away from education and a life beyond the four walls. The Pakistani government must not negotiate. There is no rule of civilisation being followed. There is no equal representation. There is no question of rights or morality. There is just one faction pleading the other not to bomb them into getting their way. This is not even a negotiation. This is a last ditch attempt to making things politically correct. The Pakistani government must not negotiate. It must not move forward with a group that is comprehensively against gender equality. It must not silence the voice of half of its people. It must not think, for even a second, that this half will continue to live and breathe peacefully in shadows of patriarchy. While the average woman in Pakistan struggles with the notion of what equality is today, it does not change the fact that she does not deserve to be married to a man 20 years older than her. The Pakistani government must remember that the TTP does not consider education for women as important as education for men, perhaps even more. The Pakistani government must remember that they are negotiating with people that claim not wearing a burqa is what causes rape. They do not hold the view that a man is just as human as a woman and that they both have equal rights, duties and responsibilities as adults, as Pakistanis and as citizens of the world.

Along with the dumplings and yee sang (raw fish salad deemed to bring about good luck; usually eaten on the seventh day of the festivities) the very coveted Chinese new year brings with itself the dilemmas of ‘shengnu’ – otherwise known as the ‘leftover women’ in china. Particularly, at this time of the year, being single is abhorrent for the shengnu’s parents as well as their extended family members. As disparaging as the word ‘leftover women’ sounds (read: ‘leftover food’) the All China Women’s Federation website has taken lengths to define it. Officially, shengnu is a term used for educated, rich and professional females who are single at the age of 27. Initially these celebrations were looked at by individuals working away from home as a refreshing prospect of catching up; however, in recent years it has become a painful ritual. Dreaded by most of Chinas shengnu population, it is the time for the annual trip back home for the New Year to attend large family gatherings (china has a very strong bonding amongst families). China gives a lot of importance to marriage and there is a strong stigma attached to single women; unlike the west, China, irrespective of the growth and advancements in technology, retains its traditions and promotes marriages instead of living in relationships. It looks at marriage as an institution and dating in the Chinese culture has to lead to marriage and stability – love hardly holds much relevance. Ni Lin*, host of a match-making television show in Shanghai, told Reuters,

“Chinese people often think males should be higher in every sense, including height, age, education and salary.”

“I dread logging into Facebook; seems like the entire world is either getting engaged, married or knocked up and that too while documenting each and every breathing moment on Facebook.”

“I had (sic) love to meet the right man, but I can’t sit around waiting for it. It will happen when it has to but for now… life is good.”

There are some things you can’t help doing – like talking to fundamentalists. I know many of them and almost all of them are convinced that non-Muslims want to harm Muslims. One such person, whom I have known for 25 years and who can’t compose a simple sentence in English (despite having two master’s degrees) thinks that since Pakistan was made for Muslims, those who are not Muslims should not be allowed to have jobs (unless there are no Muslims available, as for instance in jobs like cleaning up lavatories). This man is deeply concerned about the growing number of Hindu doctors in Karachi’s hospitals. He can’t believe that Hindus are more studious than Muslims. He thinks Hindu students get more marks than Muslims in the province because the examiners in colleges and universities are all Hindus. I did some research on this and found that Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto once imposed an annual quota on the number of Hindu students allowed to be admitted in medical colleges, to reduce the growing number of Hindu doctors in Sindh. Strangely enough, it was Ziaul Haq who revoked the quota system and restored the original merit system, whereby only the highest-scoring students are allowed admission (irrespective of their religious affiliation). But, of course, my fundamentalist friend is still convinced that there is a deep-rooted conspiracy to fill Sindh’s hospitals with Hindus. As if one conspiracy wasn’t enough, I got a call the other day from another fundamentalist, a fellow Memon, 75-years-old, with three wives. He’s been running a hospital for a few years now and he’s deeply disturbed at the growing number of female doctors. “Can you help me draft a petition to the authorities to reduce the number of female students in medical colleges?” he said. I told him I have no problem with women doctors, in fact it was a female cardiologist who put two stents in me to get my heart back into shape. “Do you know that if this continues, there’ll be very few male doctors around after a few years?” So I again did some research and found that he was right. It seems that there used to be a quota system which allowed only a fixed number of girls becoming doctors but the High Court ruled that it was discriminatory (correctly, in my opinion). Girls usually devote much more time to their studies than boys (who usually roam around the streets, looking at girls), and so girls do better. Of course, this is one of the good things happening in Pakistan, even though for the moment it appears to be confined to Sindh. My fundamentalist friends, however, think it’s another conspiracy by the Indo-Zionist lobby to make Pakistan weaker. I asked them why they object to women becoming doctors, since they are the ones who’ve always been objecting to women being treated by male doctors. One fundamentalist said women would never become sick if they remained in their houses all the time (meaning that women should not be allowed to work at all). “What about women who’re pregnant or who are on the verge of giving birth?” I asked. “No problem”, say the fundamentalists, “there are nurses and midwives who can look after them. In fact there were very few doctors in the country not too long ago and no hospitals either, and women gave birth in their houses.” How do you argue with such people, who are increasing by the day and who should have been born a hundred years ago?

Recently in Lahore we were graced with the news of the arrival of our very own ‘Pink Bus’. The purpose of this bus is to rid, albeit momentarily, the female population from the roving eyes, slippery hands and insensitive tongues of the male population; to give women ‘harassment-free-travel’. WHAT? Although the effort is admirable and shows that the government’s thinking is on the right track, the solution, a Pink bus, is a complete sham. The mere fact that the authorities thought it appropriate to introduce something like this should actually offend women and yet we sit there smile, look pretty and let the big, tough, muscular men build walls around us to ‘protect’ us. What happens when you get off the bus? Or are you not supposed to get off the bus? Maybe you are supposed to be dropped off at your doorstep and are to dash inside to avoid coming in contact with the ‘harassing’ species? Perhaps we can introduce a house-on-wheels; at least we won’t have to meet any men who are not family and can still go out. Oh but wait, the streets are crowded with men. There are men everywhere - how do we escape them? Gosh, why did God do this to us? It has, however, been discovered, whilst reviewing the progress of the bus, that the First Bus Service, the company that runs the Pink Bus, is not happy with its returns. They have blamed the Lahore Transport Company for a shoddy job with the ‘marketing’. As sad as it may be for many, and as you may have already guessed, I was elated by the news. And no, it is not the marketing that is to be blamed. They have planned to change the service from a ‘Ladies only’ transport to a ‘Family’ transport. Hallelujah, I guess? Pakistan – a country already in the stranglehold of various tags and labels – is one country that definitely does not need a Pink Bus. We have labels for everything – gender, sect, religion, occupation, ideology, ethnicity, race – even nationality is a label each one of us carries. Take me, for example. I am sure that people would label me as a ‘girl’ (not a person), working as a ‘journalist’, who is a ‘Muslim’ living in ‘Pakistan’. For the world at large, that would be my general description. For Pakistanis viewing me, the labels would continue and I would be slotted into another bunch of categories. The dissection will turn me into a ‘liberal’ ‘Karachiite’ ‘Sindhi’ ‘woman’ who is ‘Sunni’ and works for the ‘media’. There are probably many other labels I would fall under – frankly I am a little relieved I can’t think of any others at the moment. Each of these labels holds connotations that form a pigeonhole opinion about me. This habit of dissecting individuals and placing them in little boxes of stereotype is one of the main problems in the world today. No individual is free from these labels and chains, and this is what stems the main problem of discrimination world over. Instead of introducing cost-effective methods for empowering women, we are merely taking the convenient route out. Yes, the road to empowerment is long and steep but the long-term benefits far surpass this excuse of a solution. Why is it that women have to be hoarded off, clumped together and concealed to overcome issues of harassment? Is this not discriminatory? Are we trying to show the world that Pakistani men are incapable of controlling their hands? Or are we trying to show them that Pakistani women are not strong enough to face the world on their own? Have we learnt nothing from history or the progressive world? The mere fact that men and women can co-exist peacefully in other parts of the world should be indication enough that we are doing something wrong. Shoving women under curtains or stoning men who dare talk to women has not solved anything so far has it? So, why increase the gender gap and separate the two so indistinctively? Today it is just a separate bus; tomorrow we will require separate bus-stops, female drivers, women-only malls, conferences and even jobs. What if a woman travels in the ordinary bus despite the pink bus being available? Will she be given another label too? Will she be called a woman with ‘loose morals’? What if an old man has no option but to travel by the pink bus one day, will he be offended to travel with a flock of women or will he be labelled a ‘rogue’ for travelling with women? It is a Pandora’s Box of labels – it will never end. If the idea of a man sitting near you is so repulsive, I don’t mean to be rude but, then walk it! If a man tries to harass you, don’t complain about it – get up and do something about it. In a society like ours, the mere mention of a man upsetting a woman is enough to rile up a crowd in favour of the woman – then why this discriminatory sexist step? Will we force our women into lives of dependency and insecurity forever? Today there are many people who regret the very idea of a label being imposed on them – whether religious, ethnic, sexist or otherwise – and here, the government has gift-wrapped yet another chain of labels for women. With initiatives like the pink bus, we are inviting further prejudice. I do not want to be tied down by more labels and I, for one, would not travel by the ‘Pink’ bus.

So, we now have a women-only bus service. That makes sense. Given the piddling issues of mass unemployment, insecurity, a weak economy and the energy crisis, one can understand the government’s obsession with its favourite pastime – separation of the sexes. I can even imagine the conversation that must have transpired. Imagine this – a huge room dripping with opulence and accompanied with the usual smell of flop sweat that hangs in bureaucratic offices. Seated around the teak wood table are leading strategists, clad in crisp white shalwar kameez and shining pates. On the throne-like chair sits the head honcho, marked by the starchiest suit with a dome that shines like the moonlit pool of Shalimar Garden. The scintillating discussion must have gone something like this:

Minion 1: “Sir, we have some serious issues to discuss. It’s best if we finish the samosas and move on with them.” Minion 2: “The major issue is the delay in tea.” Minion 1: “Yes, but I am talking about electricity, insecurity and of course, the dushman mulk ki saazish (conspiracy of the enemy state).” Minion 3: “This is useless stuff. What we should be concerned about is public transport. Specifically, the boring buses we have. We need a morale booster that delights voters, gives them a sense of security and resolves the issue of eve-teasing.” Minion 4: “But we don’t have the budget for an awareness drive or the time for proper law enforcement. The budget is all gone in that youth festival and the kabaddi tournament. My constituents demand instant action!”

Head Honcho: “Look here minions… I mean ministers. We can resolve all these issues with a single move. Roll out a women-only bus service. The female voters will be happy and it will be just the kind of populist move that will keep the masses occupied.” Minion 1: “That’s perfect boss! We can paint it pink. My wife loves that colour so I assume that’s what all women want. But what happens before the women get on the bus or after they get off?” Head Honcho: “That is beyond the scope of our jurisprudence.” Minion 2: “You mean jurisdiction boss?”

“Same thing!”

“It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a giant flamingo.”

“This could be the start of a beautiful traffic jam.”

Despite the many differences between the East and the West, one dilemma is shared all over and that is the emancipation of women. Irrespective of social status, age, ethnicity or time period, women have faced oppression and have been forced to ‘compromise’ their basic rights. Today, the world celebrates womanhood. Every woman is made to realise that she is more than just someone’s daughter, mother or wife. Today is a day of celebration for both men and women – a day when you feel proud about being a woman or knowing one. Art has always had a way of recounting history in a poetic manner. It highlights the good, the bad and the transformation from the bad to the good in a way that leaves you bewitched. It is with the use of art that I would like to pay homage to the women of the world. And so, I came up with a list of five movies that I believe every woman, and man, should watch this International Women’s Day. Even if you have already seen some of these, there is no harm in spending a cosy Saturday evening with a hot cup of coffee, a freshly popped bowl of popcorn and a classic flick. Here goes: Mona Lisa Smile Based in the 1950s, the plot follows the life of Catherine Watson (played by the graceful Julia Roberts), a progressive art history teacher who takes up a vacancy at Wellesley College for Women, one of the most conservative colleges in the United States of that time. In a period when women only aspired to become good housewives after completing their degrees, Catherine challenged the norms of her college, and those of the society at large, and asked questions which were generally shushed. [embed width="620"]http://vimeo.com/33317463[/embed] She portrays a young, talented and liberal woman, who believes in the equality of rights and is against sexism – which was rampant at the time. After watching this film, you do not feel an extreme sense of disconnect. Even today there are many parts of the world, including Pakistan, where women are still facing the same issues. This movie should be on every woman’s ‘to-do’ list. It is inspirational, encourages women to speak up for themselves and has Julia Roberts in it, need I say more? The Iron Lady This movie is the biography of the late Ms Margaret Thatcher, the United Kingdom’s first and, so far, only female prime minister. Played by Meryl Streep, the plot circles around Ms Thatcher’s struggle in a highly patriarchal political environment and how she rises to glory as the head of the state. [embed width="620"]http://vimeo.com/43870159[/embed] The prejudices she encounters for being a woman, and the multiple times she is underestimated for her ability to lead, are common to what many women face even today. She fought her way through and made the men understand that she was here to stay. Her 11-year-long tenure is a testimony to it. The movie tells every woman that no matter what happens, a woman’s gender is not her qualification. Jane Eyre Although there have been many versions made of this classic novel, the one I personally love is the latest one, released in 2011. The reason is not just because it has been picturised in a better way than its predecessors; it is the way Mia Wasikowska (the actress in Alice in Wonderland) has portrayed the governess-cum-artist and her struggles to find true love that has made me love the story all the more. Unlike today’s Bollywood romance flicks, Jane Eyre is not about a damsel in distress who is rescued by her knight in shining armour. Jane works her way towards establishing a name for herself after she is orphaned and is made to study in a horrid, catholic school. After she completes her education, she takes up a job as a governess for a rich family, where she meets Fairfax Rochester, the to-be love of her life. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xfl54v_jane-eyre-trailer_shortfilms[/embed] During the course of the movie, Jane finds out that Rochester is already married (spoiler alert: she gets to know about it at the altar, when she and Rochester are about to get married). Even though Rochester insists that the two of them could get married, Jane upholds her principles and leaves. Her strength of character and resilience to follow her ideals is something which women of today should pay heed to. A boyfriend or ‘their man’ shouldn’t be the only focus of their lives. Million Dollar Baby The character Maggie Fitzgerald, played by Hilary Swank, an aspiring female boxer is in itself a motivation. The problems Maggie faces and the ways she copes with them are simply amazing. It reiterates the fact that women can excel in any profession. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xjvpcu_million-dollar-baby-trailer-2004_shortfilms[/embed] The movie deals with sexism, discrimination and the power of might; all factors common to the Pakistani society. This is one movie every woman should watch, at least once, to understand that with just the right amount of pressure, she can fight back and unleash herself as a force in the world. Flightplan The plot of this one opens up gradually and is one of the best suspense-thrillers of all time. The movie is about Kyle Pratt (played by Jodie Foster) an aeronautical engineer based in Berlin, Germany, who is widowed after her husband ‘mysteriously’ falls off the roof. Deciding to bury him in the US, she and her daughter take a flight to Long Island. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xisadt_flightplan-trailer-2005_shortfilms[/embed] The plot thickens when Kyle wakes up in the middle of the flight and finds her daughter missing. She panics and asks all the flight attendants present to help her. But here comes the twist. According to all records of the aircraft’s passenger history, Kyle boarded the plane alone, without her daughter. The movie deals with how everyone enforces the notion on Kyle that she is mentally ill and that she hallucinated bringing her daughter here. But Kyle is resilient and keeps on searching for her daughter, all the while fighting the negativity around her. This movie is of utmost importance because this shows how, if a woman believes in herself, she need not listen to others and keep on striving; an attribute I believe today’s female population lacks. No matter what he says or your ‘so-called’ best friend tells you, if you think you can do it, then you can do it. This was my take on the five movies every woman should watch on Women’s day. However, this list is not exhaustive. These movies, and the many others out there, are great reminders of the resistance women, everywhere in the world, have faced and come through. They give you the little push you need, the strength and the tiny bit of encouragement you crave to take on the extraordinary and come out victorious. Happy Women’s day, ladies!

It was August 7, 2000 when a group of 40 girls entered the Pakistan Air Force (PAF) Academy for the first time, in such a large number, as lady cadets or female cadets. And it changed the course of our armed forces forever. Until only a few years ago, females could not think of joining the coveted PAF as anything more than a doctor. The first opportunity for women to work in a ground based job came when the post of commissioned officer was opened for admissions, at one of PAF’s many ground support branches. However, they were still not ready to take female pilots; we had to become their first test-course batch and prove that women are worthy of being inducted in every branch of the PAF. From the craziness of the Inter Services Selection Board (ISSB) in Kohat to the Central Medical Board in Karachi, the 40 of us were finally admitted into the PAF Academy in Risalpur. The academy is located near Nowshera in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa (K-P), where women come from as far as Balochistan. Strangers meet in the academy guardroom for the first time and forge a bond that lasts forever. The same was the case with us. Since women will always be women, most of us came loaded with fancy bags and unnecessary luggage. As the time approached to leave for the academy premises, we were given the first dose of the ‘equality regime’ that was to be practiced in the academy. We were asked to carry our luggage ourselves to the residential block, which was a good 20 minute walk away. That was when I knew that we had officially become cadets. Dragging our luggage we arrived, sweating and swearing occasionally, at our designated rooms – each room was to be shared by four girls. We were asked to wear white clothes, tie our pretty locks in a hairnet and take off all our jewellery. We were divided into groups and given a conducting officer each. This is the time we realised that cadets are not called simply by their names but are accompanied with flowery titles – almost fit for Mughal kings – such as ‘Senior Aviation Cadet, Sir ABC’. During the first few days, all sorts of complaints could be heard around the academy, from having no mineral water to lack of bedding and the likes, much to the perplexity of the male conducting cadets. However, this soon stopped since we were put into a rigorous routine that started at 4am with the morning exercise and ended at 10pm with lights off. The entire academy, which had been all-boys until now, was still confused about our place there. The males, who used to wait impatiently for the weekend to ogle women, now had 40 female cadets among them. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: ISPR/File[/caption] However, the discipline of the academy and the strict watch by our female Course Commander, Madam Shakira, who happened to be a psychologist and an iconic lady, were stronger than the urges of any male. The authorities were in a dilemma as how to manage the introduction of females into the male-oriented academy. And so, they came up with a rule of ‘no communication with boys’, except our own course mates. It was the funniest regime ever. Whenever they were addressed by women, the boys would jokingly say,

“We are not supposed to talk to you.”

Just when we think we are over it, it starts all over again. Another video goes viral over social websites, attracts conversations and often takes you nowhere but through a vicious circle of ongoing rebuttals. This time it’s Shahid Afridi under attack. So here goes, it starts with Afridi making a grand comeback, surprising us with his performance in matches against India and Bangladesh. Suddenly, all the loyalty towards him is regained. Then come all the memes about him against Virat Kohli, Indian fans, Bangladeshi fans and the likes. In between the hundreds of comments, we see people praying for Afridi to have a son now after three daughters. One of these, I specifically remember, was about praying for a baby boy for the happiness of a man who made the whole nation happy. Too many assumptions here, but let’s just stick to the basic one: Afridi wants a boy. May be he doesn’t. May be he does. After his recent video about what many call ‘sexist’ comments, maybe he does want a son. Saying that, however, would be another unwarranted assumption. The minute-long video clip in discussion features an interview of Afridi where he’s asked about his opinion on women’s cricket in Peshawar. Anyone who has even a little idea about the connection of Peshawar, women and militants, would agree it was not an easy question to answer. The question asked for an opinion about a seemingly dangerous territory. Call it the curse of the new media, but the video now being circulated over social networks has incited much dialogue and, in some case, outrage. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1g30h4_shahid-afridi-view-about-women-s-cricket-team_news[/embed] But before we go too far, let me ask you one thing. Why is Afridi’s personal life or opinion your business? The fact that he prefers women to stay in the kitchen is his personal opinion, just like your personal opinions, such as being for or against housemaids, working women or homemakers, or even believing or not believing in God. For me, the argument that, as a celebrity, Afridi will influence young minds to follow his opinions does not hold any merit. Your stance on issues such as a woman’s position primarily comes as part of your upbringing than media statements of celebrities. How, then, does his opinion affect you? And why is he supposed to have politically right opinions just because he’s been dubbed as a ‘hero’, just like many other sportsmen. His job is to play cricket, not make statements about women’s liberation. Questions around such controversial topics are bound to create different opinions, and hence controversy, which I think was the whole point of the host asking this particular question, in what was otherwise, a sports interview. Bombarding celebrities with opinion-based questions and then expecting they won’t express their opinion is expecting too much. I know the fad around Afridi but his fans and others really need to take it easy. As fans, you don’t have to justify his statements or get disappointed. For others, there’s a thing called tolerance for different opinions. If you can’t handle that, you can’t criticise them either. [poll id="329"]

Suddenly the head of the Council of Islamic Ideology (CII) has claimed that it’s against the tenets of Islam for a man to seek permission from his wife before taking another one. The question that arises is why now, after more than 53 years? When the law was enacted, Islamic scholars like Maududi, Noorani and Mufti Mahmud were active politicians. None of them objected. Therefore, it was assumed that the Muslim Family Laws Ordinance, 1961 was in accordance with the teachings of Islam. So, what made the current head honcho of CII claim that there is no need to ask your wife if you want to take another one? One can’t help but think that he has done this to divert the attention of people from the activities of those who think it’s perfectly legitimate to cut off the heads of soldiers to play football with or those who want to spend their lives bombing girls’ schools. I know that ever since Ayub Khan made the law making it necessary for a man to take permission from his wife before taking another one, fundamentalists have been bitter.

“It’s against a he-man’s nature to take permission from his wife for doing anything, let alone marrying another woman,” says one. “I rarely talk to my wife, unless it’s absolutely necessary,” says another. “Same here. The only time I say anything to my wife is when dinner is served late,” adds another.

“After seven daughters my wife stopped producing and I desperately wanted a son, so I married again.”

“That’s out of the question! I just told her I was taking another wife.”

“If she had objected, I’d have immediately divorced her and she knew it.”

In the land of the pure, apparently, one cannot be a man and a feminist at the same time. The two seem to be mutually exclusive. Usually, this disconnect is attributed to the misconception that feminists are man-hating, rabid women out for social revenge; however, in Pakistan, the culprit is menial passivity because that’s just how it is here. In a recent resurgence of a four-month-old interview, Shahid Afridi took it upon himself to remind Pakistani women that their skills are most useful in the kitchen. His response to a simple fluff question about a women’s cricket team in Peshawar has outraged many, while others have come to his defence citing his entitlement to his opinion. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1g30h4_shahid-afridi-view-about-women-s-cricket-team_news#from=embediframe[/embed] One doesn’t have to be an ardent follower of cricket, or identify that Afridi has been the star of various ad campaigns (ranging from sodas to fairness creams), to know that he is undoubtedly a cultural icon and that his comments are insolently misogynistic. If he is in the market for another endorsement deal, he may as well be the face of sexism. Before launching into a discussion of why feminism is vital to Pakistan’s progression, I must recommend the TEDx Talk by Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie – recently nominated for the Baileys Women’s Prize for Fiction with the likes of Jhumpa Lahiri, Donna Tartt and Fatima Bhutto. If you can’t access the video or just don’t have the time, here’s a brief overview of the highlights. Ms Adichie makes very strong arguments about how girls are taught to aspire to marriage and encouraged to vie for the attention of boys instead of jobs, yet they are discouraged from seeing themselves as sexual beings. Sound familiar? Hold on. She goes further to say that certain societies teach girls shame which results in them becoming women who silence themselves because of their inherent guilt. What Afridi is propagating with his ‘opinion’ is that a society that undermines its female population, limits their capabilities, and instead highlights the achievements of men, is ideal. Everyone is absolutely entitled to his or her opinion (there is no doubting that civil liberty), but when one is a public figure – an excruciatingly popular one that – one should never underestimate the value of political correctness. Some have been asking why Afridi is being demonised as a woman-hating chauvinist. It’s because, judging by his comments, he is one and that’s just not okay. Others have argued that it isn’t uncommon for a Pakistani man to hold such an opinion, so why is Afridi being singled out. It’s because not all men are sporting idols who little boys look up to and try to emulate, not that that should be used as an excuse. It’s a whole other discussion why celebrities have an unwarranted social responsibility because they serve as role models whether they like it or not. That’s not to say that they aren’t allowed to hold unpopular opinions but when those opinions have no moral basis, it’s best that they refrain from making public statements expressing them. The fact remains that in a world where the likes of Beyoncé and Condoleezza Rice are encouraging girls to take on leadership roles, it is not kosher to be sexist – just as it is not kosher to be racist or a homophobe. It’s likely that Afridi will survive this debacle. He’s a relentless force on the cricket pitch and an incredible sportsman. Come the T20 World Cup this weekend and his comments will be long forgotten, largely because cricket trumps sexism in Pakistan’s patriarchal collective thought process. However, this can also be a pivotal learning curve if used to instigate a conversation about female empowerment in the country; a conversation that goes beyond the Malala Yousafzais and the Mukhtaran Bibis and introduces the importance of gender equality across the board. As for Afridi, it’s probably in his best interest to hire a publicist and avoid future gaffes like this one.