The Express Tribune

First of all, I would like to make it clear that I am in no way trying to defame any political party. I am writing this simply to highlight our failure as a society. That being said, I would like to get straight to the issue, an issue that, sadly, I encountered at a recent jalsa I went to. This is an issue that I’m sure thousands of women in Pakistan face everyday but, somehow, it never surfaces enough to be addressed as a serious fault in our society. I’m talking about the harassment and groping of women in public spaces. This is an epidemic. There are countless perverts present in our society and I’m sure most of us are aware of that. Even burqa clad women are not safe from their uncouth catcalls and wandering hands. Such is the dilemma of our society. Therefore, one can imagine what such filthy people can do if they are present in a jalsa, where everything is so haphazard. In today’s Pakistan, jalsas provide the prime opportunity for this scum of society to enact their filthy fantasies. At the jalsa I went to, the area reserved for women was filled with men and many women came across this issue. However, what I want to ask is why did it come to this? When there was a designated area assigned for women and families specifically, how on earth did groups of young and old men alike enter this area? Where were the security personnel and party workers who are supposed to make sure that such problems don’t arise? Why were women forced to stand into lines with these degenerates? To pass through huge throngs of men who did nothing but grope you and ‘accidentally’ fall on to you? It came to a point where, as I was leaving, a man grabbed me very obviously and I shouted a stream of curses addressed to him and he and his friends simply ran away quite easily while no one, and I mean no one, even batted an eye. My mother even slapped a guy but no one asked what the commotion was about. No one stopped him. No one asked me if I was okay. No one cared. I think our society has come to the point where unless it their own mother or sister being harassed, no one cares. Is this how low our level of empathy has fallen? At one point, we claim to be making an effort for a better Pakistan but when an opportunity arises for us to actually do something as individuals, for us to raise our voice, we shrug it off as someone else’s problem. Is this the better Pakistan we’ve hoped for? I fail to understand how we can achieve a better Pakistan if this is how we remain. Your leader can not bring change alone – you have to help him! And you need to start off by changing yourself as an individual and member of society. This kind of behaviour apparently happens at every jalsa. No matter the city or political party. It happens. I tweeted about my experience, only to receive a myriad of replies of people recounting their own horrifying experiences. Every gathering where men like these have an opportunity to harass women, they do it, without any qualms. This needs to stop. We need to scream, kick and shout when an incident like this happens. We have to make a scene and not be afraid because it is our right to go places without being inappropriately touched. And to everyone who is a witness, if you see things like this taking place, raise your voice – for if you don’t, you’re as much at fault as the perpetrator. So if you feel that I am merely slinging mud and have offended you, then I am sorry you feel that way. I am merely writing this so I can ease my conscience for the fact that I said something. Serious precautions need to be taken by the organisers for such events. They need to make sure that if an area is allotted for women, then there should only be women in it. And to the women who may, in the future, face a similar situation, speak up and not be afraid. Punish the wrongdoer. A changed Pakistan can only take place with a changed you!

It is considered a universal fact that a cattle market (mandi) is no place for a woman.

“It’s a guy thing”, they say. “What would you do in a mandi?” They ask. “Are you sure you want to spoil that dress of yours while going there?” They ridicule.

However, it wasn’t until I was physically present in a cattle market that I understood why the mandi was no place for a woman. And no, it had nothing to do with the animals. It had more to do with the people who were there to buy and sell. For me, they were the real animals, with their stares and roving eyes and the occasional groping. I was 19-years-old when I, along with my family, visited a mandi for the first time. I was very excited to go there and see all the animals. When I reached there, I was ecstatic. The animals didn’t scare me at all. In fact, I loved seeing so many animals in one place. I was not frightened, not even a bit. However, that feeling soon changed. It was all fine and dandy while I concentrated on the animals. But after a while I realised that almost every other man who walked past us was staring at me. Some had a look of surprise, seeing a woman touching a goat or a cow, while others kept staring at me, my sister and my cousins. There was an animalistic look in their eyes, and it was ironic, because the actual animals that we were touching had more humane eyes than them. And then the comments began.

“Kiya mahoul hai yaar!” (What an atmosphere man!) “Aaj ki tou mandi kafi rangeen hogayei hai” (Today the market looks very colourful)

Needless to say, I felt terrible after listening to these uncouth comments. My entire experience was ruined because of this. And even though I kept going to the mandi in the years after that, it was never a very pleasant experience. My question is why can’t a woman enjoy such an experience as much as a man does? It’s strange how these men, who are there to buy an animal for a religious ritual, seem to forget all boundaries when they see a woman. What good is such a sacrifice if you can’t even keep your eyes to yourself? I was resilient and hence I kept going back, but many women aren’t, and such men don’t know how their actions and comments often scar a woman for life. Same is the case with taking care of the sacrificial animal. When the cattle are bought and brought home, they are often kept in tents or a specific area is reserved for them. One would think that while we are in our own neighborhood, one can easily go down and feed the animals and spend time with them. But that’s not how it works. Even at home, you need to stay put, be careful while getting out, and make sure that you are appropriately dressed, because all the guys from the neighborhood can be found lingering near the animals at all times. And these guys also have the same sickness of staring at women, like as if they have never seen one before. Therefore, women can’t take care of these animals without falling prey to this viciousness. Even if some women, like myself, are resolute to ignore the stares and go feed their animals, they are discouraged at home for doing so. I’ve had multiple fights with my mother on this issue. So as a result, neither do women go to a mandi nor are they able to take care of the animals. Because of these issues, many believe that Eidul Azha, on the whole, is a guy thing. I mean, sure, men get the sacrificial animal, take care of it the few days before Eid and then deal with the whole ordeal with the butchers and handling the meat. However, many people ignore the fact that women too have their fair share of work cut out. And if the situations were a little more accommodating, women could even go out, get the animal from the mandi, take care of it and then proceed with the work on Eid day. And let’s not forget the contribution women have in the kitchen. They deal with the meat, make portions, distribute it in neighbors, relatives and the poor, and also cook delicious Eid meals without which this Eid would seem bland. Men and women are equals in every single aspect of life. At a point where the world is moving towards equality amongst genders, I think it is high time we start thinking about how we make it hard for our women to equally participate in matters, albeit religious, ceremonial or otherwise.

It was the summer of 1999, when a bunch of us, final year medical students, were attending to patients in the crowded outpatient department at the Mayo Hospital in Lahore. Our professor had called us to come see a patient in one of the consultation rooms. The patient was a young woman, no more than 35 years of age. She had come to the hospital with a large breast mass. She said that she had first felt the mass more than a year ago. After ignoring it for months, she had finally mustered the courage to talk to her husband about it. Together they had visited a local ‘pir’ who had given her a ‘taweez’. When that didn’t help, they had gone to a local ‘hakim’, whose medicine hadn’t worked either. And now here she was, a hundred miles from home, at Mayo Hospital, hoping for a cure. But it was too late. It had been too late for several months. She had needed surgery and chemotherapy months earlier. As things stood, the cancer had spread to her bone marrow and lungs. Sadly, she died a few weeks later. This is a sad story. Unfortunately, this is also a common story. Fifteen years after that day at Mayo Hospital, I still see similar patients. Women continue to hide their illness out of shyness as they are reluctant to talk about it. In many cases, women don’t draw attention to their illness because they don’t want to burden their family’s limited resources. They only go see a doctor when the pain is too great or the weakness is unbearable. By the time they visit a doctor for diagnosis and management, it is almost invariably too late. Breast cancer will affect one of every eight women in their lifetime. Punjab Cancer Registry data suggests that breast cancer is the most common cancer in Pakistan. Unfortunately, it is still considered a taboo to talk about breast cancer. Women need to realise that they can beat the odds and breast cancer can be cured. The kind of treatment options that exist today were not available a couple of years ago. Depending on the size and type of cancer, treatment options include surgery, hormone therapy and even targeted gene therapy. These treatments are very much available in Pakistan. What needs to be understood is that the golden rule of cancer therapy still applies – early detection leads to successful treatment. October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month all over the world. It is time for us to spread the word on the need for early detection. We need to educate women about self-examination and the need to see a doctor if they feel a breast lump. All it takes is just a few seminars and consultations. It requires a shift in our mind-sets towards women and their health. Breast cancer does not only affect women, it devastates entire families. And that is why we need to stop thinking of it as a women’s health concern, and start looking at it as a national health issue.

The world celebrates and praises Malala Yousafzai – a Pakistani girl whose claim to fame was a bullet to her head, her fault being her desire to seek education – and while the world talks of empowering women, the world is perhaps ignorant of the plight of another young woman fighting for her life in neighbouring country, Iran. This brave, young woman happens to be 26-year old Reyhaneh Jabbari who can be put to death any time now, as her 10-day delay in execution ended last Wednesday. Her crime was stabbing a man to death, a man who tried to rape her. It was in 2007 that Reyhaneh, an interior decorator, was approached by a man who called himself Morteza Abdolali Sarbandi, a former employee of Iran’s Ministry of Intelligence. Sarbandi asked Reyhaneh if she could decorate his and his friend’s office, to which Reyhaneh agreed. When she got to his office a few days later, she was welcomed by a dusty, empty apartment and Sarbandi. Smelling a rat, Reyhaneh tried departing, but was stopped by Sarbandi who asked to “take off her scarf”. Reyhaneh resisted his advances as much as she could but Sarbandi got hostile. In her defence and sensing immediate danger, Reyhaneh made a run for it, but a fight soon ensued and she got her hands on a knife, which she used to defend herself. But as Sarbandi’s attacks got stronger, so did Reyhaneh’s, which is when she stabbed him and managed to escape. However, her ordeal was not over yet. Around 2am, she was traced, arrested and charged with murder. For six long years, the Iranian government has overlooked the fact that Reyhaneh was facing imminent molestation as even evidence proved it – a plastic bag was found in Sarbandi’s possession containing condoms and a drink laced with sedatives for his victim. Yet, Reyhanheh was charged with murder and would have been executed some 13 days ago had it not been for a 10-day delay which is now over, putting her once again in immediate danger. The verdict: she had no witness, and she must be executed for murder. Reyhaneh may be forcibly put to a wrongful death anytime for a fault that was far from hers. How flabbergasting is it that despite the evidence that proves Reyhaneh innocent, the Iranian Judiciary still continues to dismiss her pleas because she had no witness? Reyhaneh’s story is the story of countless other young women around the globe who face charges of adultery and murder for defending themselves. Self-defence is blatantly labelled as adultery, provocation, guilt, and every other thing that it is not. Why is the production of a witness incumbent upon the victim when all evidence points to her innocence? What is even more surprising is the response some people have offered in defence of the Iranian government. Some say that if the man had been alive, he would have been hanged for attempted rape, the woman did kill him and therefore she needs to pay the price as the law demands. Some people say she shouldn’t have killed the man and then he would have been rightfully hanged. Hence, some people are suggesting that she made a mistake when she saved herself from rape. What guarantee can these people offer that the man would have been hanged? The judiciary plainly refuses to believe that Reyhaneh was on the verge of being raped because she had no witnesses. Would the judiciary have believed her if Sarbandi had been alive? Wouldn’t people have accused her of adultery and had her stoned to death instead? What is not surprising is that a majority of the masses blame Islam straight away. Of course, in a world generally spiteful, hating on a particular religion has become a norm. People put the blame gleefully on Islam whether it is the rape of Mukhataran Mai to the ban of women driving in Saudi Arabia. Of course, as usual, these people have no idea that Islam has nothing to do with it. Yes, the Iranian government is an Islamic one, but the execution she faces is the verdict which the judiciary gave, not Islam. Simply put, rape laws need to change. Four witnesses might have been a necessity in the old days when there was no DNA testing technology and no science of deduction, but today when it is possible, witnesses don’t matter. Apart from the fact that nobody rapes a woman in front of four male onlookers, whether a woman was raped or not should not be decided by the number of witnesses she has to offer. If Reyhaneh is executed because she defended herself, Muharram will come early this year.

Jennifer Garner just did something wonderful, not just for herself, but for women globally. She accepted and celebrated her ‘baby bump’ and made the lives of her millions of followers easy. In an interview with Ellen DeGeneres, she graciously accepted, [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x27l2yw_what-baby-bump-jennifer-garner-says-she-s-not-pregnant_lifestyle[/embed]

“Yes I have a ‘baby bump’. Hold up, I am not pregnant, but I’ve had three kids and there is a ‘bump’. From now on ladies, I will have a ‘bump’ and it will be my ‘baby bump’ and, let’s just all settle in and get used to it, it’s not going anywhere.”

Her statement provoked an instant uproar, laughter and approval from the audience in the studio and confirmed the fact that she had struck a chord with mothers globally. All of us heaved a sigh of relief; if Jennifer Garner can have bit of tummy flab and accept its perpetual existence as part of motherhood then why can’t we? The question raised here is crucial to the happiness of the new mothers around the world. Yes, the first myth buster is that there is something else important in a new mother’s life, other than her precious baby, and that is her own body. Procreating a life starts a slurry of changes in a woman’s body and no matter how cute that bump looks in the pregnancy months , it is the first thing to be scrutinised and criticised once she has given birth. All those extra fats and flags are expected to disappear like hideous symptoms once the cause has been treated. God forbid, if you don’t manage to come out clean then you are instantly judged as too lame to be careful of your pregnancy diet, to realise this problem and too lazy to leave the couch and hit the gym. No one cares about the cyclone of emotions heaving wreckage inside her and making it impossible to assimilate the expected pace. The media plays a huge part in setting unrealistic body statistics and standards for new mothers. Here comes Victoria Beckham, straight out of hospital as if nothing has happened. The bump, along with other hideous symptoms, just vanished. Let’s see who the trainer was and how successfully he brought her back to ‘normal’. Alessandra Corine Ambrósio, a Brazilian model, is a mother of two yet she is ranked as one of the most successful Victoria Secret models. You see no baby residue there. All these ladies must be super healthy and super successful but what about the horrific beauty standards they are setting for average women.

“Look if Gisele Caroline Bündchen can do it then why can’t you?” Hence implying you are too incapable to catch up.

These larger than life beauty standards play a pivotal part in postpartum depression. The young mother naively expects to return to her pre-baby shape soon after the baby’s birth and the first time she stands up on her feet, the full length mirror shatters all her expectations. The baby has come into the world but her body shows no sign of it. It might vary genetically and physiologically but mostly the body ends up with stubborn baby fat. The father is sprightly and gets the parenting status without any body changes which makes it impossible for him to understand the trauma his wife is going through. Your body image faces a severe shock. You don’t feel beautiful anymore and this is where the vicious cycle of baby blues spirals. In order to make happy mothers and let women enjoy the best time of their lives, we must create acceptance for all body types. Beauty is a diverse idea and by confining it to the media and the beauty industry’s defined rules, we are battering the souls of numerous new mothers. Like Jennifer Garner, more celebrities should come out with a normal body image and diversify the definition of beauty and fitness.

The recent HeForShe campaign by Emma Watson, the UN Women goodwill ambassador, has gained significant repertoire, with many men posting pictures on Twitter and Facebook with placards, articulating their support for the campaign. The campaign speaks against gender violence and inequality. It is particularly a feminist movement and although it realises the bias against men, it does little beyond recognition. Emma herself stated that:

“The more I have spoken about feminism the more I have realised that fighting for women’s rights has too often become synonymous with man-hating.”

There is indeed a need for gender equality, and abuse against either should be equally condemned. Women are mostly the victims of domestic abuse, especially in developing and underdeveloped countries and in rural areas, and this should be accepted. However, men get abused too, and that should not be forgotten. Denying women the right to education is also an endemic and should be addressed effectively through educational and social campaigns. But we also come across cases where boys and young men are forced to leave their studies to work and earn. Women should have equal employment opportunities, yes, but recently, voices have been raised for female preference in certain position as opposed to men or, simply put, efforts for gender preferential employment against men have been supported by some women. How does that workout for the gender equality campaign? Equality is a vague and rather broad term that doesn’t always necessarily address the intrinsic characteristic of the two genders. There is a need to prevent gender abuse and inequality, which is a two-way fold and shouldn’t highlight one gender over the other. Emma addressed men and said that “it is your problem too” and indeed it is but a campaign named HeforShe is biased itself. When it comes to ‘equality’, there are certain idiosyncrasies and physiological characteristics that must be kept in mind. Women are subject to preferential treatment in a number of instances and rightly so too. One such case would be when a woman is bearing a child, which is a natural phenomenon. Women bear excruciating pain, physical hardships and emotional difficulties in the process, which is an enormous undertaking but the role of men and their partners shouldn’t also be ignored. In progressive, well educated and developed societies, men are the prime support systems for women while undergoing the troubles of bearing a child. They offer emotional, psychological and physical support throughout and play a vital role in preserving the physiological and psychological wellbeing of women. However, women are granted maternity leaves for months while men are not subject to any such relief for their support and role through this process. Similarly, women are allowed preferential working hours in organisations to accommodate for them raising children under a certain age but men aren’t. The question then arises that does equality mean abolishing these allowances for women or granting men similar provisions? One cannot deny the fact that women are abused and often aren’t even involved in the family planning decisions, in rural societies and underdeveloped localities. Even their physical wellbeing is not a priority for the family for the need of an heir – this is gender abuse and women should be an equal partner in the decision. But how is the campaign supposed to work here? Will it focus on the developed, progressive model where men help women or the underdeveloped model where women do not have equal say? And if it chooses a particular setting, will it ignore the other? Also, I for one, like opening doors for my mother, sister and female friends, offering them my jacket if they’re cold and performing other ‘minor’ acts of chivalry for them. Does equality then call for abolishing these chivalrous acts by men for women or would it be acceptable the other way round too? Maria Sharapova raised voice for equal prize money in Tennis for Women and Men championships, the basis for which was simple: ‘equality’. However, she did not consider equal attendance, popularity or even ratings as a factor, leaving the argument very vague. Ratings, attendance and popularity of men’s tennis are far greater than women’s tennis for reasons beyond gender bias. ATP is followed extensively while Women’s Tennis Association (WTA) fails to attract the same level of popularity or viewership. Equality alone, therefore, is vague and notwithstanding of certain characteristics for both genders. The need then is to stop ‘abuse’ and ‘unsubstantiated preferential treatment’ for one gender over the other. This is what the HeForShe campaign should be about.

Gentlemen, gallant, extraordinary. These are the words which come to mind when Oscar de la Renta is mentioned. A man so great, he could make ordinary women feel extraordinary in his creations. With an experience in fashion which would be any budding designers dream résumé, Mr de la Renta was born in Santo Domingo in the early 30s. He moved to Spain at the age of 19 where he worked with Balenciaga, followed by an offer to work at Christian Dior. He turned down the proposition to work at Lanvin for two years, eventually making his way to America. In the land of opportunities, he started working for Elizabeth Arden for a few years, followed by Jane Derby and Balmain. After getting sufficient experience, Mr de la Renta made his entrée as a couturier in the 90s. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Vogue[/caption] He has dressed many First Ladies like Jacqueline Kennedy, Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama, Nancy Reagan and Laura Bush, and many high profile celebrities like Sarah Jessica Parker and the recent Mrs George Clooney, Amal Alamuddin for her wedding. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: File[/caption] But as fate has it, the great de la Renta passed away a couple of days ago at the age of 82. It has been widely known that he had been battling cancer since 2006, but still kept working till the very end. His son-in-law and CEO of Oscar de la Renta, Alex, along with his daughter, Eliza Reed posted a statement in the event of his death, saying,

“He died exactly as he lived: with tremendous grace, great dignity and very much on his own terms… While our hearts are broken by the idea of life without Oscar, he is still very much with us.”

A few quotes from his counterparts in the fashion world and other big names include: Diane Von Furstenberg, designer and owner of DVF:

“He loved flowers and he made women feel like flowers. He was a Renaissance man, the most elegant man, who befriended and was as beloved by queens and first ladies, as by seamstresses and gardeners. He was compassionate, generous and a great philanthropist. A leader in the industry, he connected with people of all ages.”

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="598"]

Photo: Vogue[/caption] Nancy Reagan, former first lady:

“America has lost a brilliant, enduring talent and a true gentleman. Oscar was a fashion legend but he was also my friend for nearly 50 years. I admired him greatly as a kind, gracious individual with a generous spirit who brought beauty and elegance to everything he touched. My prayers are with Annette and the entire de la Renta family during this time of loss.”

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="599"]

Photo: Reuters[/caption] Anna Wintour, editor of Vogue:

“He was determined to come to [my son] Charlie’s wedding, but was sent by his assistant to the wrong airport. Yet he turned up with a smile and kiss at the last minute to put the veil on Elizabeth and send her down the aisle in the dress of her dreams. Every girl’s dream.”

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"]

Photo: Reuters[/caption] As a fashion student, de la Renta’s work was an inspiration because of his clean cut silhouettes. The construction of his garments were so precise, it is rare for a student not to be in awe of his work. My favourite collection is his fall/winter 1992. It is still as glamorous and relevant as it was then. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="599"]

Photo: Michel Amaud/Courtesy FIDM Museum amd Library at the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising[/caption] [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="556"]

Photo: Mashable[/caption] Just like his work, he was and will always remain timeless.

“Never, ever confuse what happens on a runway with fashion. A runway is spectacle. It’s only fashion when a woman puts it on. Being well dressed hasn’t much to do with having good clothes. It’s a question of good balance and good common sense.” – Oscar de la Renta

“I always wanted to study but my dream to get higher education remained just that, a dream. I was unable to complete my Matric because of my disability. It would pain me immensely to see girls who were with me in school going to college and making something of themselves.”

Maria, while wiping her tears, was discussing the Khyber-Pakhtunkhwa (K-P) government’s new scheme regarding free education for the disabled. Maria is 32-years-old and is a resident of Gulbahar in Peshawar. She was diagnosed with polio when she was one-year-old, soon after she got her polio vaccination. She is currently living with her brother as her parents passed away a few years ago. She told me that she was performing well and is enthusiastic about her studies but broke her right hand thrice during her school days and couldn’t walk properly either. She said that there was no adequately functioning hospital in K-P for polio stricken children at that time.

“My parents had to take me to Lahore for my check-up and that’s when I got my first pair of orthotic shoes. Now they have facilities in local hospitals but the conditions are really bad.”

For Maria and the rest of the disabled people of our nation, living with a disability is very hard since there aren’t any proper facilities or educational prospects for them. According to statistics, there are more than five million people living with some form of disability in Pakistan, with the number of polio patients increasing day by day. Even when people try to curb the disease, their efforts go in vain because they end up being targeted by extremist groups. Due to this, there is a serious security risk for polio workers who want to help the polio stricken children but fear for their own lives as well. Talking about the rising number of children with polio, Maria said,

“I feel unbearable pain when I see the children from K-P helplessly suffering from this virus. I do not want another child to live a life like mine, a life of misery, sadness and grief. I wish I could go door to door and explain to each of the families how important these two drops are for their child’s life. It’s like your child’s life is in your hands and it’s up to you how their future unfolds. What they say about polio drops affecting a person’s ability to produce children in false. They’re just rumours. Children in my family have gotten polio vaccines when they were young and they’ve grown up normally, gotten married and had normal babies.”

Maria has been married twice but it didn’t end up working out both times due to her disability. She said,

“If I were educated enough, I wouldn’t have to rely on anyone right now. Currently, I am working as a substitute teacher at a local school where I get a monthly salary of just Rs5,000, which does not allow me to manage my living expenses alone. Even though I am living with my brother, I understand that he has his own family to support. Occasionally, my sisters help me out as well but I feel reluctant to discuss my needs with them. I wish such schemes were introduced during my time so that I would have been able to get an education and lived my own independent life instead of relying on people.”

There are countless other Marias living a similar life in Pakistan. Our children are our nation’s future. I commend the K-P government for taking such a stand and initiating such a scheme, but now it is time for other provincial governments take note and follow suit. It has come to a point where it is not as much of a choice-based decision as it is need-based. Even though education remains a priority, the underlying problem is the presence of the polio virus and the lack of health facilities present to eradicate it. This month alone, 220 cases of polio have been reported in Pakistan. According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), Pakistan is at a “tipping point” as the remaining endemic countries in the world, Afghanistan and Nigeria, have seen a significant decline in the number of cases this year. The number of cases increases by the hour. Yesterday, Wednesday, October 23, three new cases were reported. Today, on World Polio Day, Pakistan has officially broken its 14-year-old record when it crossed 200 cases. How far is Pakistan from eradicating polio, one might ask? Well, as per the country’s Expanded Programme on Immunisation (EPI), it is estimated to be more than 500,000 children away. This troubling figure is the number of children who have not been vaccinated each year over the past few years for a number of reasons. But there is still hope. WHO Emergency Coordinator for Polio Eradication, Elias Durry, told The Express Tribune, that the county has the capacity work toward a polio-free Pakistan by the end of 2015. He said,

“The upcoming six to nine months are critical.”

As the country is working towards fighting polio and the extremists who are doing their best to halt any hint of progress being made, the need of the hour remains educating people so that polio-infected families to step forward and take the initiative themselves. Provincial governments need to step up immunisation programmes and make sure they are carried out to the end. If that is asking for too much, the least they can do is provide polio workers with necessary security so they can do what the so-called elected-by-the-people-government can do for the people who elected them.

I’m a 24-year-old woman and I am divorced. Yes, you heard right; I’m a 24-year-old divorced woman in a Pakistani society. I got divorced because my husband was suffering from depression, was taking pills without any proper prescription due to which he also had erectile dysfunction. He insisted that his pride and ego were more important than getting treatment and ensuring a healthy marriage. When I tried explaining the benefits of acquiring treatment he became abusive, leaving me with no option but separation. Our society, however, does not believe I made the right decision. Yes, it is easy to sit behind a computer screen, in the comfort of your own house and say society has progressed and we are more open to divorced women, but the reality is that we are not. Our society, whether we like to believe it or not, judges a woman for leaving her husband; no matter how ill or abusive he may have been. It believes that in order for a marriage to work a woman must consistently compromise on her life, her ideals, her aspirations and that’s okay. It is more than okay; in fact, it is the foundation upon which marriages in this part of the world seem to evolve and not being able to forge this level of ‘commitment’ (read compromise) is considered a sin. The unfortunate bit is, despite the circumstances in which I left my husband and even though I had spent a large amount of time trying to make it work, asking him to get treatment and taking care of him, the blame for the failure of the marriage, for society at large, rested squarely on my shoulders. I was not informed about my ex-husband’s illness before marriage; neither him nor his family thought it important enough to be mentioned, yet I should have compromised? Yes, I understand that his parents could have been trying to protect him, but would they have done the same thing had their daughter been in my position? Did my parents not have the right to know? Do I not have the right to know what I am getting into? Why am I to be blamed? Husbands’ have certain duties towards their wives too; marrying someone is not the equivalent to having a maid or personal assistant in the house. It is the ability to have, respect and love a friend who will now live with you forever. A person with whom you can share all your secrets, share your burdens, your happiness and sadness, and to know that this person, the one you chose to marry is your equal and will help you through life so long as you help them too. So then why does marriage equal compromise in Pakistan? Husbands are not ‘supposed’ to sit back and bark orders at their wives, they are not ‘supposed’ to use her body as a baby-making machine, they are not ‘supposed’ to tame her. She is a person too. And please do not tell me Islam has anything to do with our culturally-distorted version of marriage. Islam, on the contrary, teaches men to be respectful towards their wives, in every situation and circumstance. He told me about his depression a week after we got married. I remember the way he had said it, he blurted it out in an extremely nonchalant, matter-of-fact kind of way, not realising the impact his words were having on me.

“I have had depression since the past eight years and I have been taking pills due to which I might not be able to consummate the marriage.”

When I asked him, with tears streaming down my face, why he didn’t tell me this before the marriage took place, all I got out of him was,

“I thought you would get angry at me.”

Angry at him? That is the reason I was given for not being told about something as big as this. Throughout the short time that we were together, however betrayed I felt, I tried to get him to go to a psychiatrist. I tried everything, love, hate, anger, and I prayed to God all night to make my husband understand that I was not his enemy and that it is all for his own good, but every time I tried, I got only one answer,

“If you want to live with me, deal with me as I am, otherwise I can give you a divorce, and I will tell the world it is my fault.”

And it shocked me to my core every single time, because he talked about divorce like it was a walk in the park, like our bond didn’t matter, like he didn’t care if it did. If this wasn’t bad enough, his mother obviously supported him and in an attempt to justify their silence stated, ignorantly, that ‘it really is no big deal’ and that ‘80% of the population is depressed anyway’. When I argued, I was blamed for not being a supportive wife and even ‘aggravating’ his condition. Since the conclusion of our marriage, my ex-mother-in-law hasn’t spared a single person from hearing the ‘heartbreaking tale of her son’s marriage to an unsupportive selfish girl, who was only after his money’. Although, my family and close friends have been exceedingly supportive, there are still times that I’ll hear people whispering about me and my life; arguments about whether I did the right thing or not, and then harsh statements about how anyone ‘in their right minds would get separated over such a petty issue’. But I believe I speak for all women out there when I say it is not easy to be a divorced woman in a Pakistani society. It takes a lot of courage, strength and determination to stand up for your own rights, especially when it comes to marriage. A divorcee is not someone with a lot of ‘attitude’. She is not any ‘kind of person’ she is just a woman who is fed-up of being a door-mat. A divorce is not an easy process, emotionally, mentally or physically; don’t burden her with societal pressure too. To all the people pointing fingers at divorced women, I say this, think about what would happen if your husband was abusive, if he made an unforgivable mistake or if he never cared for you. Would you spend the rest of your life in misery or would you demand that your mind and heart deserve happiness? I believe they do. And I believe that no women should ever suffer, even the tiniest bit, for a man who does not care about her.

It is unfortunate that even in today’s day and age we have issues concerning gender identity. In fact, they have become more complex than ever and people are seen spewing offensive slurs at those whom they believe don’t adhere to their idea of a ‘specific’ gender. What is worse is that things don’t end at picking on effeminate men or masculine women; it goes as far as people wanting to restore traditional (read: ancient) gender roles where men are the bread winners for the whole family while women are ‘property’ that stay home, serve their men and pop out babies. As if hideous products like that ‘whitening soap’ named after and endorsed by an elderly celebrity that encouraged women to change their skin colour to white wasn’t enough, we now have a soap promising to restore your ‘macho manhood’ just by using it. Let me walk you through the advertisement of this ‘manly’ soap. The ad begins with a frame showing a couple of guys sitting together, feeling insecure and uncertain whilst they check out a good-looking girl, not really sure if they should ask her out or not. After some time, one of them gathers the guts to approach her – only to get turned down. After this, a supposedly attractive man appears on a bike and, predicting the obvious, all the women start ogling him, while the other guys start feeling even more insecure and pathetic. Suddenly, the attractive man screams in a high pitched, squeaky voice and shouts ‘badtameez’ – only God knows why – and everyone starts laughing at him. Then what is seen is a vision on its own: animated flower petals begin to flow out of the attractive man to depict that he smells like flowers. Perhaps it was the advertiser’s idea of a joke and wanted you to think that the man was screaming like that because of the soap he used. Instantly, in the next frame, the voiceover goes,

“You shower with a beauty soap and then show attitude as well?”

And then a shirtless, and might I add completely hairless, Caucasian-looking guy appears and tells you to use this ‘man-soap’ (yes, apparently it’s a thing) for it has a “storm of freshness and confidence”. Also, might I add, the motto of the soap is “mardon ka bharam” (men’s attitude). Seriously? Is this how low our advertising agencies have stooped? I can’t believe that the ad executives or whoever is behind creating this abomination are this ignorant! Are they telling us that men with high pitched voices or men who use beauty soaps are not real men? Who are they to pass such judgments? I wish it was only these marketing executives who thought this way but it looks like we, as a society, are used to these kinds of stereotypical ideas. Lets jog your memory, shall we? Recently, Pakistan Peoples Party (PPP) held a jalsa in Karachi and the chairman of the party was insensitively referred to as ‘gay’, ‘hijra’, ‘girl’ and was also bestowed names like ‘Billo Rani’. Why? Just because he comes off as what one might call as a little ‘effeminate’? Do we really think this little of our women and transgender community that, if we have to insult someone, we compare them with women and transgender people? All of this may be very amusing to you today, but let me tell you something, to the people behind that soap commercial and all those who subscribe to the stereotypical ideas of gender roles and identities, what you’re starting now doesn’t end here. Soon, there will be people – in fact there already are such people – who say that ‘real men’ have body hair (sorry soap guys, even your projection of a ‘real man’ can’t beat that), men don’t wear pink, women don’t wear blue, and so on and so forth. Stereotypes like these have a domino effect and before you know it you will be hearing someone say that women can’t work in leading roles and men shouldn’t cook. And shortly after that, you will hear others saying women shouldn’t work at all. And this will continue until we go back to living like cavemen. Is that really the kind of world we want to live in?

“The world allowed me to live for 19 years. That ominous night it was I that should have been killed. My body would have been thrown in some corner of the city, and after a few days, the police would have taken you to the coroner’s office to identify my body and there you would also learn that I had been raped as well. The murderer would have never been found since we don’t have their wealth and their power. Then you would have continued your life suffering and ashamed, and a few years later you would have died of this suffering and that would have been that.”

And so I meet my eternal Lord. I, Reyhaneh Jabbari, am dead. But my legacy continues to live. For it is a living stain on those who dismissed me, for the judicial system that so prodigiously accused me of something I was not fully guilty of. True, I had stabbed a man – but when does self-defence become murder? When does killing a man, who tries to rape you, become a heinous crime? This world is a sad place for women. I know what they say; I know they say I am guilty. I know they say I planned the murder. I know they say that I had bought the knife beforehand and that I stabbed him in the back. I know they say I was acquainted with the man and had gone to his office quite willingly. What they don’t, however, say is that my assailant was carrying a packet of condoms with him. They also don’t say that there was a drink with sedatives inside his house. No, they don’t say that. According to their version of the truth, I had pre-planned my own destruction! How amusing it is to pre-plan the murder of a man who is in the Iranian Intelligence and how prudent it is to murder a man while I live in a patriarchal, misogynistic world. By saying that I went to the office willingly, they conclude that I consented. By saying that I stabbed him in the back, they say I killed in cold blood. This world is a dark place for women. I was interrogated and cross questioned and accused, but my part of the story was never given proper consideration. How many times has it been that victims of sexual assaults have been blamed for their fates? Not seldom, I am certain. She wore short skirts, she was out at night, she wasn’t wearing a head scarf, and the list goes on. Nobody in their right mind would even dare to blame the he’s. Seven years I spent in that cold, dark place. Seven years I went to sleep every night, not sure if I would live to see another year, another day. Seven years I waited for justice to come my way and it never came. But death came. It came at last, and it was not menacing, it was not dark. It was, instead, a welcome transition. Now I can finally go and meet the eternal One, to whom we all belong. I want to question Him, to demand justice from Him and I know justice shall be served, at last. The courts of this world may accuse me and exterminate me, but in His court, they will pay. And true justice shall prevail. I have waited seven long years and I will wait more for justice to come. And then I turn my head towards those who blame my religion for my misfortunes. Certainly, this world is as spiteful as it is misogynistic. They say this is how Islam treats women. They say this is a woman’s worth in Islam. Fie, I never stopped believing in Him and I embrace the awaiting orbs of death with concrete faith in Him. It was not His laws that did me wrong, it was the law of His creation. And not just laws, but their mammoth egos that wouldn’t let them accept the fact that a respectable man could attempt to rape a woman. And then, there was the audacity the woman showed, she stabbed him! No, no, no. That was not acceptable at all, to empower women and to equip them with the power to say no and to be the master of their own will is certainly not on their bucket lists. Women are supposed to be submissive, receptive, and inferior. It amuses me to think that I belong to the same place Artemesia once belonged. That daring, audacious, challenging bravado of hers is to be seen no more in women who belong to this holy land because they have been warned – this is what will happen if you come out or react to acts of injustice. Aren’t women told to keep silent when they are ogled at, harassed, teased, assaulted, groped, or raped? Aren’t women told to dismiss and ignore men who trouble them? Aren’t women told to accept their destinies because of their gender roles? I might be dead but, as the judiciary fails to realise, their attempt to tarnish my reputation and culminate my life has ended horribly, I am bound to live on forever. The world shall forever know who Reyhaneh Jabbari was. And though some may blame and accuse me, there are some who believe me. I am no different from all those victims who are blamed for rape. Before I go, I will donate my organs to those who need them; it is a far, far better thing to do, than I have ever done and this is far, far better rest I get, than I have ever known. And through them, I hope to remind my assailant that I live on. Through my soul, my spirit, I live on. Through their sins and injustice dealt to me, I live on. I live on.

‘You know better that death is not the end of life.’

Scuffles and screams rang through the dark night. They were three and they were burly. They had her in a firm grip with her mouth gagged with a rough cloth. It was probably 11 or 12 o’clock at night. Not very late for a summer night but half the village had no electricity, so people turned in early. Her screams could have woken up the neighbours, if they had any. Theirs was a mud hut in a lone corner of the basti. She desperately tried to make as much noise as possible but it was of no use. The men had tied her daughter up completely now. In the faint glow of the oil lamp, Kumari looked at her. Her eyes wide with horror, Kumari silently pleaded her mother to free her. Reshma Bai attempted to attack one of the captors yet again with renewed fervour but she was knocked down. They carried Kumari across the small courtyard and to the gate; Reshma Bai struggled back to her feet as quickly as her arthritic knees would allow and ran screaming after them,

“Hamari bachi ko na le jao bhaiya jee! Eeshwar ka wasta tumko bhaiya jee! Kumarriii!” (Don’t take our girl away brother! For God’s sake, brother!)

Paying her little heed, they put Kumari in the back of the car. One of the men turned back, striding towards Reshma Bai; he slapped her hard across the face. The bearded man said to Reshma, scathingly:

“Kafir napaak aurat! Allah bol Allah! Eeshwar kaun hai? Teri beti ko Allah nay chunna hai. Usko Kalima parha kar paak karlengay hum aur phir shayed kisi Muslim larkay se shadi bhi krwa dein. Shukriya adaa kr hamara! Agar tu nay kisi sey shikayat ki tou main gala ghont doonga tera! Kafir munkir maar kar sawaab milay ga!” (Infidel, unclean woman! Say Allah! Who is this Eeshwar? Your daughter has been chosen by Allah. We will make her recite the Kalima so that she becomes pure and then we might get her married off to some Muslim boy. Be thankful to us! If you so much as utter a word about this to anyone I’ll strangle you! Killing infidels will earn me rewards!)

Seeing him up close, she recognised his face from somewhere but she couldn’t recall and then they drove away with her only daughter. As Reshma Bai sat down on the ground sobbing, she called out for her husband who had gone to the town but deep down she knew, at this point nobody could have saved her daughter. Reshma Bai is one of the many mothers living in rural communities of Pakistan who have seen their children being abducted by the forceful men of the region to convert them forcibly to Islam. These people are the lowest link of the societal ecosystem which makes such blatant exploitation possible to happen to them. They are the lower caste Hindus living in rural areas of Pakistan. Their lives are a round-the-clock misery that involves abject poverty and a lifetime of insult at hands of all other dwellers of the region as their own kin look down their noses at them. Their rights in the constitution make them entitled to equal or even more rights as citizens but in reality, their plights are untreated and worse, unheard. Alongside the already bleak circumstances, they are also falling victim to cases of forced conversions and marriages of their women specifically. Reshma Bai’s account is a fictional depiction of the helplessness of a lower caste Hindu mother in saving her daughter from being snatched away. The real case in question these days is that of the Meghwar family. Their adolescent daughter has been abducted and forcibly converted to Islam. After the conversion, she was married to a much older man. This revolting behaviour on parts of our fellow countrymen is appalling to the extreme. Our society unknowingly suffers from a terrible disease. The syndrome of tenacity and antiquity, which grips our minds, is a deadly force that stagnates our thinking to such degree that we lash out to destroy everything that is even slightly different from our perceived notions. This impairment causes some of us to point fingers, malign, judge, argue with or in extreme cases such as the above mentioned one, force the other person to convert to our set of beliefs. I am aware that people will argue and criticise this as ‘degrading the country as a whole’ for the actions of ‘a few individuals’, and that my write up is ‘depicting Pakistan is a negative light once again’. But my question to them is, why are you sitting silently and allowing such atrocities to take place? Is this silence not tacit approval? If we are not fighting it, have we not accepted it? And if we have accepted it, we have permitted it. And that is exactly why all of Pakistan is responsible for the act of the few that indulge in this atrocious crime. This disease is the reason that each and every one of our daily interaction involves judging others against a list of high end morals and traits that we generate to straddle our giant egos. In some cases, it stops at making stinging remarks, and in others, it can go as far as physically forcing someone to embrace our beliefs. This type of conversion is its own example in idiocy and nonsense. Not to mention, it is an outrageous violation of the amicable teachings of our religion. But however dreary the situation may seem, there are still many who are holding up the skies above their heads. There are still people who embed amity among one another because they recognise people not by skin colour, language or religion but by their humanity. The problem lies in our recurrent sense of apathy though. We lie back in comfort listening to such incidents on television, shaking our heads in disapproval but in for all practical purposes, we are doing nothing. Unless we highlight the issue at multiple forums loudly and clearly, the message will be smothered into abysmal depths of ignorance. In order to broadcast the message of Islam, the only conversion required is in our own behaviours. I strongly condemn this act of cowardice by our people against a downtrodden minority. It is disgraceful for us as a nation and as Muslims. It has to be stopped.

He was sharing some of his deepest secrets about his childhood; his fears, his regrets, his loss – of a loved one, of dreams, of time lost that could have been utilised better, of a life that could have been. I witnessed this man break some barriers in those moments as he dared to bare his soul, something men in our society are not taught to do. But most importantly, this man dared to cry, that too in front of a woman. In those moments, I saw bravery. Because he kept saying,

“See? I’m crying. I didn’t even know I could cry so much. Don’t tell anyone I cried, okay?”

This “he” is not any particular man. And the above lines are not any one particular incident. I have witnessed it more than once. And every time I have realised that for a man to cry in our society is a difficult boundary to push. We associate manliness with certain outwardly signs, like physical strength, like a temper bordering on rage, like earning a lot of money and like being not very in touch with one’s emotions. Emoting and crying is something that is considered an aspect of femininity. We grow up listening to maxims like,

“Mard ko dard naheen hota”. (Men don’t get hurt)

Long before the Madhuri-fame advertisement, as part of a campaign against domestic violence, reminded us, we had all heard,

“Larkay naheen rotay.” (Boys don’t cry)

[embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x28hpwh_startwiththeboys-a-film-by-vinil-mathew-starring-madhuri-dixit-full-hd_school[/embed] So men eat, laugh, sleep, feel happy and sad, but are not supposed to cry as that is seen as a sign of weakness. Generation after generation of men grow up with this pre-conditioning. When a natural outlet of grief or frustration is not allowed in the form of tears, the next best bet for men is either cruel silence or anger. We keep talking of rights of women, but usurp men of this very basic freedom to express emotions without both men and women not even realising it. The most courageous of men ever are my role models; the Prophet (pbuh) and ‘Umar (ra) and ‘Ali (ra), and their peers. They changed the world. They won hearts and they won territories. They fought bloody battles like lions, with bravery unrivalled. They buried their loved ones with their own hands, and went back to the work of serving the cause of upholding justice. And through it all, they dared to cry, unabashedly. We have all read accounts of how the Prophet (pbuh) wept profusely, sometimes on the death of a loved one and at other times for the fear of Allah (swt) and for concern for his people. We accept that, and love that, and idealise that. But today, a man who is moist-eyed is often seen as a weakling. There is no doubt that women, biologically, are more prone to crying, as testosterone prohibits crying to some extent and that is the hormone that almost defines men; this is perhaps why, on an average, men cry once a month and women about five times a month, especially during the premenstrual phase and after their menstrual period. However, culture and allowances of freedom of expression also have to do with gender disparity when it comes to crying. While excessive crying can be symptomatic of other psychological issues, there can be considerable long term harmful effects of not allowing someone to cry. Parents, and especially mothers, need to understand this when bringing up boys. Crying is a natural, organic form of human expression and is a right if carried out in moderation. When we stop men from crying at any age, we deprive them of a natural human catharsis. We also rob them of a certain sense of empathy that helps them understand why women or children cry. This is precisely why many men, unable to handle a crying woman, end up getting up angry and ask her to stop crying or ask in frustration why she is crying. Any human emotion, if stifled unnaturally, will have harmful effects, and will end up being channelised into other negative emotions like anger or emotional disconnect. Manliness, often translated as strength, is not just about not crying. Some of the things we see as signs of strength, like violence, anger and yelling, are actually signs of inherent weakness. Strength is about a certain amount of emotional intelligence and the ability to communicate with one’s self and with others. It takes strength to show that you are vulnerable. This is what makes us human.

When speaking to a friend of mine on how to treat a lady, I was fairly shocked to find that he hadn’t a clue, really. There seems to be confusion – a dearth of clear ground rules. When it comes to women, here’s what you should and shouldn’t do. You should not stare as she walks past, or call her as a cat; Regardless of how she’s dressed, or if she’s thin or fat. Do not undress them with your eyes. Bite your cheap retorts. It’s really no business of yours, if she’s wearing shorts. “She should have worn more modest clothes to avoid catcalls.” Instead, perhaps the men should try to not harass at all. Who are you to decide the treatment they deserve? Or if they’re worthy of respect? You really have some nerve. Their bodies are not yours to ogle, keep your gaze averted. Keep your thoughts to yourself, doubly so if perverted. Lusting’s under your control, as are your desires. Overcome that impulse, it’s what decency requires. You should not rape a woman, for the crimes done by her kin. Or if she marries out of choice, free will is not a sin. You should not rape a woman, for dancing in the rain. Or because you somehow think that she has brought you shame. You should not rape them as revenge; you should not rape them as a friend. You should not rape them as a spouse; nor in a house, or thereabouts; Nor to act superior – you should not rape them, period. Not on a bus, nor by a tree; oh Rape-y men, just leave them be! On the topic of violence, do not hit them either. Just imagine how you’d feel if your mum was the receiver. You should not strike her out of spite, or if she’s caused you angst. Or for clapping at a wedding, or if you don’t like her pants. I’ve often heard culture is the people’s reflection. If that’s so, then how come nobody’s asked this question: How do people use religion to justify their acts? The Quranic text that I have read does not support those facts. Islam was once the pinnacle of granting women rights, How did we forfeit that title with nary a fight? You should not blame the victim, claim she deserved her fate. Unless you’re with the CII; since they think that’s okay. Because it’s common knowledge – an X-chromosome is haram. And having one naturally precludes you from Islam. So this morning, take a moment, be honest with yourself. How can you become an ally? The world needs your help. The next time she imparts your temper, maybe stay your hand? Not catcalling or staring doesn’t make you a lesser man So treat a woman with respect this November 25^th. Then repeat that every day, as long as you live.

The recent controversy surrounding Junaid Jamshed has dominated social media over the weekend. The matter is between him and God; I am in no position to comment on the apology or the blasphemy issue at all. Maybe this incident will open a conversation about the blasphemy laws in Pakistan. However, I am surprised at the lack of a conversation around the casual sexist remarks passed by public personalities in the media in Pakistan. Junaid Jamshed has previously suggested that men should not teach their wives how to drive. In response to the recent controversy, Aamir Liaquat responded in kind with comments about Junaid Jamshed’s mother. We live in a country where the most common abusive words involve a person’s mother and sister. There are numerous instances of casual sexism in our media that we largely ignore, or accept. Shahid Afridi might as well have said that women belong in the kitchen when he was asked about the girls’ cricket trials in Peshawar. Our most famous stage show, Baqra Kistoon Par, opens with a joke about Umar Sharif tying the woman to the house instead of the cow. Shaikh Rasheed repeatedly ridicules Bilawal Bhutto for being feminine. Rana Sanaullah appeared on television defending the son of a MNA, accused of rape, by putting the blame on the girl for willingly being in a room with the man. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1g30h4_shahid-afridi-view-about-women-s-cricket-team_news#from=embediframe[/embed] [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2bccrf_bilawal-bhutto-has-manufacturing-defect-sheikh-rasheed_news[/embed] [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2b4tkm_shameless-rana-sanaullah-of-pmln-defending-the-rapists-son-of-mna-pmln-must-watch-shameless-video_news[/embed] When Jasmeen Manzoor tweeted about being in a meeting with Zardari, Abid Sher Ali responded with a

“Are u alone :-)”

https://twitter.com/PTI_Ki_Tigress/status/539749747394109440 As public personalities, these people have the ability to influence opinions across the country. With our independent media still in its nascent stage, it is still to devise a code of ethics to govern itself by. People appearing on the media are unaware of the massive responsibility that comes from millions of people having access to your opinion. We lack a media watchdog organisation that would hold the people failing to act in a responsible manner accountable for their words. Some people highlight certain instances on social media but the controversy boils over. None of the people involved are labelled misogynistic and none of these people have been made to apologise for their statements. A lot of people brush the issue of sexism off by claiming there are more pertinent issues in Pakistan such as terrorism. However, they do not realise the snowball effect these statements could have. Our acceptance to sexism eventually leads to violence against women in Pakistan. There are close to a thousand reported honour killings in Pakistan ever year. To equate being feminine to being weak relegates women to an inferior place in society. Is the marginalisation of half of our population not a serious enough issue? It would be hard to blame it on any specific instance but these statements simply perpetuate the gender hegemony present in our society rather than educating people about the issue. Shahid Afridi is a hero to most Pakistanis, I wonder how a girl in Peshawar must feel knowing he does not approve of her playing cricket. It might even influence parents not to send their daughters to the trials. Even in instances without any physical violence, the price of the damaged dreams of a generation is surely too high. The point is not to vilify individuals but public pressure in making people apologise for passing casual remarks on television or official sanctions might preclude other people from making similar statements. Right now, people are allowed to make statements on mass media platforms with complete impunity. There are no general hate speech laws in Pakistan, which is also partially why there is so much frivolous litigation abusing the blasphemy law. The WEF’s 2014 Global Gender Gap Report rated Pakistan as the second worst country in the world, behind only Yemen. It may not be because our T20 captain is against cricket trials for girls, or a leading religious cleric feels women should not drive, or politicians and comedians persistently ridicule women but I am sure it didn’t help. Even when the message is not so clear, these people should be cognizant of the different connotations of their statements before making them. Applying the law of torts neighbour principle for negligence, they must take reasonable care to avoid acts of omissions that could reasonably be foreseen to injure one’s neighbour. Anybody who has the ability to watch or read your statement is your neighbour in this scenario. At worst, you are culpable of being sexist and at best, you have been negligent and if your negligence leads to physical violence or emotional trauma, part of the responsibility for that lies with you.

I was born in Saudi Arabia and am very closely accustomed to the grossly odd laws that exist within the nation, namely, and perhaps most famously, that women are not allowed to drive, that women have to don the black abaya when in public and that there is strict segregation between men and women most stringently enforced by the muttawas or religious police. I distinctly remember a muttawa once giving my mother a religious lecture over how she should contain her eight-year-old daughter and stop her from running around in case she attracted men. A complete absurdity indeed but my mother had to obey instead of facing their wrath. They fed on fear, intimidation and being the supposed ‘guardians’ of Islam. However, Saudi Arabia is a land of blatant hypocrisy and double standards. This becomes crystal clear when you see how the Saudi authorities mete out capital punishment at the drop of a hat and often without solid evidence. Two very disturbing reports have emerged this week of how Saudi Arabia has maintained their status of being “guardians of Islam”. A Saudi blogger, Raif Badawi, was sentenced to 1,000 lashes, which are carried out in a piecemeal fashion of 50 lashes every Friday. His crime? Being a blogger and running a secular website aptly labelled Free Saudi Liberals. The second story, and this is far more disturbing, is of a Burmese-origin lady, Laila Bint Abdul Muttalib Basim, who was dragged in the streets of the holy city of Makkah and brazenly beheaded for allegedly sexually assaulting and murdering her step-daughter. A charge the lady vehemently denied right up until her demise, with her screaming “I did not kill, I did not kill” and three police officers holding her down while the punishment was carried out in an extremely sadistic manner. According to The Independent, a video showing how the execution took place has now been removed by YouTube as part of its policy on “shocking and disgusting content”. No evidence of her involvement in the death has ever been provided. Even if the said crime was proven, was this ghastly method of execution not worse than the death penalty itself? Why was the execution made public in this manner? Why was it performed in a city that is held to be the most sacred city for Muslims around the world? Why was it so important for the Saudi officials to exhibit their power and authority in this manner? This execution has set a rather significant symbolic precedent and it is no wonder that the world at large refutes the claim that ‘Islam is a religion of peace’. With custodians like these, Islam does not need enemies. Let’s not forget of the hundreds of Pakistanis who are labelled as drug mules by the Saudi authorities and beheaded on a regular basis. Who is to know of their innocence or guilt without any questioning or appeal? I do not wish to go into the nuances and detail of Sharia Law as I am not qualified to comment, however, I am aware that in Sharia Law the person charged with an offence must be given the chance to defend themselves. If they do admit their guilt, they are offered the chance to give blood-money to the aggrieved party, failing which, capital punishment is carried out. Saudi lawmakers offer little assistance when outsiders question the tactics and decision making that is used to carry out such heinous punishments. Also, a country which is so keen to follow Islam verbatim fails to explain why the ruling party is a monarchy, a form of government which is not allowed in Islam. Herein starts the hypocrisy. Saudi Arabia is a strange dichotomy within the Middle East. Being the largest provider of oil in the world and also being custodians of the two most holy sites to Muslims worldwide, it has to balance the competing interests of the civilised world and yet ensure that the local population remains repressed and highly regulated through the use of a stringent interpretation of Islam. Any person who dare voice any opposition is swiftly rebutted, imprisoned, lashed or beheaded on the basis of “disturbing the peace of Islam”. The highly ironic thing is that Saudi Arabia is the largest provider of oil to the United States, the latter country regularly carries out drone strikes in other Muslim countries and is a staunch supporter of Israel, a country which Saudi Arabia refuses to recognise. While Raif’s flogging may be used to serve as a way to silence any home-grown dissension, it also goes to show that this blatant hypocrisy is something the local population is no longer willing to ignore. Saudi Arabia cannot exist in a vacuum anymore. The global dynamics have changed so drastically and swiftly that such disgusting and abhorrent executions must stop. However, what can be expected from a country’s religious authorities which just last week decided that making snowmen is “haram” in Islam? The good news is that international pressure brought about media attention has resulted in Raif’s weekly floggings being stopped on “medical grounds”. He was the lucky one but unfortunately for individuals like Laila, very little help will be available. What Saudi must remember is that the wheels are turning, slowly but surely.

As a journalist I have always been impartial towards political parties; experience shows that while all of them promise the world, none of them deliver. Lately, however, the dynamic of politics in Pakistan have changed. Ever since Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf (PTI) has come into power in Khyber-Pakhtunkhwa (K-P), many women started taking an interest in Pakistani politics. The women are now seen constituting a majority of the supporters participating in various sit-ins that take place in cities across the country. For many it is the aura that Imran Khan emanates that becomes the primary reason for support, while for others it is the feeling of renewed hope. I admit, there are many times I have remained glued to my TV screen watching the activities of a dharna unfold. They can be very exciting. While the presence of a large number of women, young and old, at the sit-ins is very encouraging, what perturbed me a little bit was the rather unnatural obsession some mature, even married, women have with Imran; leading me to believe that their support for the party is not purely for the benefit of politics. What brought me to this conclusion was Imran’s marriage; while the ceremony was still underway, Twitter and Facebook was already populated with jokes, sarcastic comments and advice for those who had ‘lost’ Imran to Reham. While some suggested women take Prozac, others commented on the outfits of the bride and groom. Every minute of the marriage was documented on social media and mostly by women who themselves are happily married. Yes, he may be a good-looking man and may have a ‘vision’, albeit unclear, the only reason to support him, in my opinion, should be political. If these women were only supporting him for his ‘political cause and vision’ as many have claimed, then pray tell, why was his second marriage the most important event in their lives? I firmly believe that marriage, the first, second or umpteenth, is his personal affair. Imran’s decision to tie the knot has nothing to do with his political career. Yes, speculating how it may affect his political aspirations is understandable, but talking about whether the outfit he was wearing suited him or not really has nothing to do with politics! I too support Imran to a certain extent. I believe he is an honest man and has good character, but I do not support the mixed statements he makes. I do not support the uncertainty of his ‘Naya Pakistan’. I do not support many things that he has done and I intend to hold him accountable for all those things. Because to me, supporting a politician does not mean I let his idealistic ideas walk all over me. I do not think supporting a politician means agreeing with everything he says, good or bad. I will not just fall for the illusion of ‘Naya Pakistan’ I will demand to see it. I will not swoon at every jalsa, and defend every statement. I will not forget myself, or my country, because the politician I support has charisma. If these ladies, young and old, educated and respectable, praise him for his every act, then what is the difference between them and the teenage fans who support boy bands? Imran has repeatedly stated,

“Tabdeeli aa nahi rahi, Tadeeli aa gayi hai!” (Change isn’t coming, change is here)

What is this ‘Tabdeeli’ he talks of and why haven’t we seen it yet? At this point, what we need to do is not fall to his feet in awe, but question him and let him explain things to us. After his marriage, Imran, accompanied by his wife, went to the Army Public School (APS) in Peshawar; it had not even been 40 days (marking the chelum of those who had been killed) since the attack. I was not surprised that the couple was shooed away. I was not surprised that he was greeted by angry parents. In my eyes, a leader has to sacrifice a lot to gain the support of the general public, and this was the perfect reality check for the leader. Imran needs to realise that his sweeping statements and abrupt decisions are hollow until they produce results; and I believe it is the duty of his supporters to keep him grounded and demand that these promises be fulfilled. I think it is time that his supporters, men and women alike, get off their high horses and hold their leader accountable. He may have the allure to woo his audience today, but if he keeps making the same mistakes, and we as supporters keep letting him do that, then we will have failed not only ourselves and our country but him too. Blind support isn’t going to get us anywhere.

January 30, 2015, was a defining day for Muslim women in the United States. Close to 150 women gathered at the Interfaith Pico-Union Project, in Los Angeles, at a mosque to offer their Friday prayers. However, that wasn’t the unique aspect. What was unique was that while there are many mosques in the US which accommodate women, this particular mosque was built just for them. For the first time in the US, we were introduced to the idea of a females-only mosque, which is managed and administered by women alone. After the prayers were offered, the women gathered around the khateeba (one who delivers sermons) who was willing to answer their questions regarding this revolutionary step. This idea of starting a females-only mosque was Hasna Maznavi’s brainchild and she was supported by her friend Sana Muttalib to make her dream a reality. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Sana Muttalib, Co-President, and M. Hasna Maznavi, Founder and Co-President of the Women's Mosque of America prepare for prayer service in downtown Los Angeles, Jan. 30, 2015. Photo: Reuters[/caption] In the US, like in most other countries, mainstream mosques have segregated areas for women where they can come and pray behind a male imam. This area is usually smaller than the one for men and often not many women feel comfortable going to such mosques alone, with so many other men around them. This mosque would work as a haven for those women who wish to freely pray along with their fellow female Muslims. Muslim women from all over the world are welcoming this idea with open arms on social media. While many are terming this step as liberating for Muslims everywhere, I believe that this mosque represents women empowerment. https://twitter.com/WomensMosque/status/563880943845662720 https://twitter.com/Ayesha_Mattu/status/563901493162418178 https://twitter.com/suraiasahar/status/563876739664068608 https://twitter.com/2Faeeza/status/563836467550912513 https://twitter.com/Ayesha_Mattu/status/563808959039946752 Our religion has given women a very high status – as family members and as individuals; thus, there is no restriction on women when it comes to setting up their own worship places. I see this step as a progressive one – one which showed the world that Muslim women are taking matters in their own hands now. Ideally, I would have liked for men and women to share their place of worship, since they are equal creations of God. However, seeing how 90% of our mosques are for males only and even those which accommodate women are administrated by men, I feel that this step is a prominent success for women around the globe. This can inspire other women, in other countries, to initiate similar ventures and create a place where they are able to pray and mingle freely, and with comfort. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Muslim women arrive for the prayer service at the Women’s Mosque of America in downtown Los Angeles, California January 30, 2015. Photo: Reuters[/caption] It is not necessary for women to pray in a mosque according to the teachings of Islam, true. They can pray at home too. So I am sure that many would question the need of this mosque. I was raised in Pakistan, where women usually don’t accompany men to the mosque for prayers, except maybe for Taraweeh during Ramazan. Thus I understand the grounds for such arguments. However, ever since I have moved to the US with my husband and kids, and since I have started accompanying them to the mosque regularly here, I have realised that a lot of good can come to individuals if they attend prayers in a mosque. Also, it has helped me understand that, like everything else in life, it helps a lot if you perform prayers with fellow female friends; the mosque no longer remains just a place of worship – it also becomes a centre for socialising with other people. Praying like this has increased my support system in the US and spending time with other women in a mosque has been liberating. Personally, I would like to go and pray with all my family members – male or female – for Eid namaz and to socialise after prayers. But that cannot happen for now. Even if I go with my male family members, there will always be segregation, which would prevent us from socialising. Perhaps in the future we might be able to move towards a system where such an idea can possibly be conceived, on a larger scale, everywhere. No one expected to see a females-only mosque come about, so I am optimistic for newer progressive outcomes. While I am still sceptical about the finer details of this new mosque, I believe that it is a step in the right direction nonetheless and should be adopted by others as well.

I was deep in my thoughts, standing at the railway station, when a slight tug on my shirt startled me. Averting my gaze towards the source of the tug, I saw a child. A sense of pity washed over; I took out some money from my pocket and tried to give it to the child, but he refused to take it. Feeling even more empathetic towards him, I gently took his small palm into my hands and placed the money there. Suddenly, a man came rushing towards us,

“He is not a beggar! You look smart enough to know that!” he said, outraged. “He is my son, and he is just... ill.”

With this, he picked his son up and stormed off. I was flabbergasted. I realised that the illness the man was talking about was psychological. That made me even more ashamed.

What was I thinking? How could I not have known?

Flustered and awkward, I boarded the train. Feeling bad, I thought about how I would have reacted if I were in such a situation. And the answer I got made me sadder. The father’s reaction was completely justified. I shouldn’t have done it. I made my way towards my compartment, thinking about whether I should have apologised more profusely and what I would do if I met that man again. As if God was intent of making me feel even guiltier, as I entered the compartment, I saw the same man sitting there with his wife and two children. I was sharing it with him. Realising that this was my chance at redemption, I apologised once again and sat down. The father accepted my apology with grace, looked to his wife and said,

“We’re used to it now, but only God knows the pain we go through every time this happens.”

He gave me a brief introduction of his family and why they were travelling. This led from one thing to another. As his story unfolded, I couldn’t help but feel disappointed and saddened. He explained how an institution for the mentally ill had rejected his son on the pretence of him being unable to use the bathroom on his own.

“We used to live in a joint family, and I always felt happy seeing my son play with other children. But my sister-in-law never liked him. So she stopped her children from playing with him. She said he was harmful to them.”

With grim expressions, he went on saying how they have tried various treatments and how doctors always assume that it was an interfamily marriage that led him to his mental illness – even though the parents aren’t even remotely related. Sitting opposite to the child, I couldn’t fathom what he must feel and I was dismayed to hear about the doctor-administered tranquilisers he had to go endure at such a young age. The most alarming part was the suggestions the father got from his family members – they varied from imprisoning him in their house to chaining and locking him up. He was narrating his story when the train began to slow down. Even though I had reached my destination, I thought of the daunting journey these parents had ahead of them. A journey filled with ridicule and callousness. Our country needs more institutions and specialised doctors to accommodate the mentally challenged. Family counselling, staff training and public awareness should be included in the agenda as well. The government of Pakistan passed the Mental Health Ordinance for Pakistan Act 2001, but it needs to be implemented wholly. We, as a nation, have to change our perceptions and attitude towards mentally ill individuals. We may complain about how the government is inept in this department, but the change comes from within – it starts from us. We rightfully talk of various rights, those of women, labourers, and children, but we need a voice for the mentally-handicapped as well, who have become an ostracised group in our society. Let’s take a stand against this inhumanity, let’s be the voice for these fallen stars. The post has been translated from our Urdu blogs page. Read the Urdu version of this piece here.

A few days back, I read about a medical miracle that occurred in the Indian city of Meerut. I understand that a ‘genetically male’ woman has given birth to twins. A 32-year-old ‘woman’ had a rare hormonal conditional where she looks like a woman but is ‘almost’ a man. She did not attain puberty and has never menstruated. Her uterus was underdeveloped, her ovaries were non-functional and that she had an unpronounceable condition called “XY gonadal dysgenesis “(whew that sure was a mouthful). In short, ‘her’ body was not designed for natural conception or to hold a nine month pregnancy. She went through a series of complicated procedures over a period of three years to make this possible. Embryos were developed with donor eggs (they were not her own) plus her husband’s sperm and implanted in her uterus, which was ‘built’ or ‘strengthened’ surgically. I have very little knowledge of terms like ovum, zygote, chromosomal study, infantile uterus, endocrinal treatment to elaborate on but I know for sure that’s its cerebral and phrenic (something to do with intelligence). I am happy to note that her ‘husband’ supported her in this decision. Dr Sunil Jindal, the infertility specialist who administered the treatment, said,

“This is something similar to a male delivering twins.”

I am sure it took some medical geniuses and a hefty sum of money to make her dreams of having a child come true. Mentions of this marvel will be chiselled in bronze in medical encyclopaedias worldwide. Generations of students will look back and read about this with awe and wonder. Eons later, people will still equate the team who made this possible with Charaka or Shushruta (ancient physicians from the Subcontinent). The doctors will earn awards, no doubt, and will be felicitated worldwide. They might even win Nobel Prizes. What I do not understand is, was all this required in the first place? Could ‘she’ not have accepted gracefully (not resigned to) her fate and just adopted a child from one of the thousands of orphanages that exist today? It’s totally understandable if she might not want to spend on ‘outside’ blood and wanted her ‘own’, but I am sure she could have found a needy family from her own community who would have given her one of their own for some money. For the money the very-much-in-love couple spent on treatments, she could have fed scores of orphanages year long. I know this might sound harsh, but she must have undergone these painful procedures, the emotional and physical trauma, the expectations, the hopes, the disappointments… to prove to the world that she was not ‘barren’ (excuse my use of such a strong, rustic, cruel, derogatory term) and ‘won’ in the end but was the money and time well spent ? Was it absolutely necessary to bring two more souls onto this, already overcrowded, planet? I understand that this may be a question personal to the parents, but as a citizen of this world, I believe I am forced to ask those parents thinking of adopting this path. Do the orphans of this world deserve no life, love or future? Should we not look after what we have first and then plan ahead? I accept that it is a triumph of technology, a true medical achievement, but does it have to be just about technology all the time? I have my doubts.

A woman’s scream at a jalsa

I am a girl and I love going to the mandi

Breast cancer: Pakistan’s most common cancer

Dear Iran, self-defense is not murder

Bravo, Jennifer Garner!

Will #HeForShe work for me, a man?

The spectacular, Oscar de la Renta

Living with polio in Pakistan

Why does marriage equal compromise in Pakistan?

Only in Pakistan can women become ‘white’ and men restore their ‘manhood’ using soap

Reyhaneh Jabbari lives on – even today

Forced conversions in Pakistan: “Eeshwar kaun hai, Allah bol Allah!”

Real men do(n’t) cry

The Why Chromosome

Does Pakistan’s media encourage sexism?

Saudi Arabia: Holy hypocrites

Misplaced priorities: Why do you lose your mind when it comes to Imran Khan?

Do we need a ‘females-only’ mosque?

I thought he was a beggar-child…

Genetically ‘male’ woman gives birth to twins. Great, but did she have to?